Role of Bride’s Mama in Marwari Weddings

Marwaris are a caste that hails from Marwar region of Rajasthan. In Marwari weddings, the bride’s maternal uncle/mama has a very significant part to play. Marwari women, when they get married, are showered with lavish and expensive gifts from their father; later on, they usually do not claim any more of their father’s wealth, simply because it is assumed that her father’s wealth belonged to her brothers. 

The mama of the bride shows a lot of generosity in the wedding of his niece making the entire family proud. There is a particular Marwari wedding ritual, known as Bhaat, where the mama’s support is acknowledged. This ritual is performed at the respective homes of the bride/groom. 

In the ritual, the mama is personally invited to attend the wedding of his niece/nephew. He and his sister (bride’s mother) participate in a ceremony involving cooked rice and moong (a lentil). Following this, the bride’s mother feeds her brother a bit of sugar. The maternal uncle now gives his sister a traditional tie-dye dupatta, which the sister has to keep with her forever.

 

The Mama also gifts his niece/nephew and their life partner their wedding attire, jewellery and money. There is no steadfast rule on the amount of the ornaments and cash; the uncle gives as much as he can afford. 

Jain Wedding and the many Rituals

Jain weddings are never complete without its series of rituals. Like any other Indian wedding, Jain weddings are also replete with tradition, culture and lots of rituals.

Kanyapradan

A Jain wedding begins with this ritual. In this ritual, the bride’s parents puts some grains of rice and one rupee twenty five paise on her right hand before handing her over to the groom. The bride’s father announces the marriage of his daughter with the groom before the guests at the ceremony. In this ceremony, the priest when chanting the mantras, pours water on the hands of the couple three times.

Granthi Bandhan

This is the ritual where the wedding knot is made. One of the married women from among the guests ties the bride’s sari pallu to the groom’s shawl, as the couple prepares for the pheres.

 Phere

This is ideally the most important part of any Jain wedding ceremony. In Jain matrimony also, an auspicious time is chosen for the pheres. The bride and the groom take four rounds around the sacred fire. In the first round, the bride leads, while in the next three rounds, the groom has to lead.  At the end, the couple has to take seven vows. The exchange of the garlands are made.

Havan

This is the next ritual in line for the Jain wedding ceremony. After the chanting of mantras, offerings are made in the end.

Mangal Geet

The Mangal Geet is sung by the ladies when the pheres take place.

How to Know If He/She is Husband/Wife Material in Arranged Marriages

Have your parents and relatives helped you choose your life partner or have you taken the help of some online matrimony sites to choose a life partner? If you have found the ONE you were looking for or are still looking for him/her, it is important to find out if the person is marriage material or not. Remember that you are not looking for someone to date, but you are looking for a life partner in the form of a husband or a wife and that needs commitment for life. So, this is serious business and you should do some analysis and observations to know whether the person you have in your mind is eligible to become a good wife or husband.

What to observe?

If possible meet the person frequently and observe his/her small habits. Minute details about a person’s behavior can let out whether the individual is marriage material or not.

Find out if the person is dedicated in his/her works; if he/she is willing to do a lot to make small things work, in all probability, he/she might go to great extents to make the relationship work too.

This goes out especially to the ladies. If you find that your chosen man is forcing you to get physical when you do not want to go ahead with it before marriage, it is better to stay away from the person. Such a demanding nature will not let him understand and value your feelings later.

The woman or the man in question should be able to open up to you. If you feel that the individual is maintaining too much privacy and being too secretive about his/her life, he/she might be having skeletons in the closet. So, think twice here before proceeding. In case, he/she is opening about some dark secret from their past, remember that honesty counts. These people are least likely to cheat on you post marriage.

Know his/her views on religion. Religion is a very sensitive issue and the views must match yours. Otherwise, there will loads of conflicts in the personal life after marriage.

Make sure your would-be life partner treats his/her family well. If he/she is a family person, the individual will be great as a life partner.

Can you think of other things to observe? If yes, share with us. 
 

Background Check is Essential in Weddings

So you have chosen your soul mate after a long search at the online matrimonial sites or have found the man/woman of your dreams who was recommended to you by your relatives. Now what? You surely want to tie the knot and make the person your life partner. It will be wise not to rush into marriage, and stop to get a background check done. There must be some interval between the engagement and matrimony; you may utilize this time to find out more about your chosen partner.

Why is a background check necessary?

A background check is indeed necessary when you do not know much about the person’s past. This check is not done to demean anyone, but for the success of one’s marriage and one’s safety. You are aware that there are a lot of divorces happening, where the sexual orientation of one of the partner’s wasn’t straight and as a result the couple had to suffer post marriage ending in a divorce. Especially, in marriages where the partners contacted each other through classifieds or through matrimonial services, there is no way one can know about the other beforehand.

In order to get married at the soonest, people often lie about their financial status, jobs and past life. It is better to know the truth before the wedding than to get married and suffer.

You play the detective

Stalk a bit; stalking a person online in order to know whether he/she is perfect for you is fine. Check if the person has a Facebook profile. The pictures of the person will be able to give you a picture of the person’s lifestyle. Also check if you have any mutual friends listed with this person; these mutual friends might be able to give all the information you need on your future life partner.

Apart from Facebook, Orkut, Twitter and other social networking sites, you can also Google the person’s name and check the results for the types of sites they visit and the kind of comments they have posted to know more about them.

You can also create a fake profile in any of the social media sites that the person logs into frequently and send a friend request and then try to get a little flirty with him or her to see how he/she reacts. This might be able to tell you a lot about the character of the person.

Especially in arranged marriages, if you are unable to get a good background check done, it may lead to very disappointing results.

How do you plan to do a background check? Share with us. 

Beliefs/Superstitions Associated with Indian Weddings

Weddings all over the world come with some beliefs or rather superstitions; these superstitions often add to the fun element of the weddings. However, sometimes it may get bothersome for the bride/groom when people associate certain beliefs to the bride not being good or lucky enough for the bride.

The beliefs

• There is a belief regarding the color of mehendi as it appears on the bride’s hands. If the color appears deep, it is considered that the bride will be loved deeply by her husband as well as her in-laws. 
• Like the concept of throwing the bridal bouquet in Christian weddings, Hindu marriages also have the custom of letting the kaleerein (small red and golden ornaments) fall.  The kaleerein are tied on the chooda that the bride wears on her hands. The bride has to shake her hands over the heads of unmarried women and if the kaleerein drops on one of the women’s heads, then it is believed that the lady will be next in line to get married. 
• When the couple make rounds around the fire during the pheras, the onlookers throw flowers and rice at the couple. This is done in a bid to keep the newly-wed couple away from evil spirits. 

The beliefs keep changing with the many cultures and marriage traditions. Different castes and religions in India come up with their own wedding related superstitions and beliefs.

There are many other beliefs. How many do you know of?

Know Why the 'Kundali' is Matched

Almost all Indian Hindu marriages are dependent on the matching of the bride and groom’s kundali/horoscope. This is considered to be highly important, as according to Hindu wedding traditions the success of a marriage depends on the matching of the horoscope. In case of arranged marriages, the matching of kundali is essentially a compulsion, and in case of love marriages also this process holds its own quite often.

Is the matrimony compatible?

This is one of the questions that find its answer in the matching of both the partners’ horoscopes. The horoscope reveals the planet positions and their good/bad effects in a person’s life. It is believed that after marriage, the bride and the groom becomes ONE and the good luck or ill fate of one spouse influences the other; therefore, matching the horoscope to ensure that none of the spouse’s will be harmed post the matrimonial union is on a mandate.

Is the bride and groom mentally as well as physically compatible?

To know whether a happy marriage or an unhappy one follows after the union between the bride and groom, the horoscope is matched. The mentality, behavior and temper of the bride and groom are matched through their respective horoscopes. The kundali is also matched to know the level of physical attraction among the couple and also to know how their health will keep post-marriage.

Do the gunas match?

There are certain gunas or qualities that have to be matched among the bride and groom prior to the wedding. For testing the relationship quotient among the couple, a total of 36 gunas have to be matched. A minimum of 18 gunas have to be matched for the wedding to happen; in case more gunas match, the compatibility within the couple will be better.

Is the couple going to be financially stable?

Financial stability is required for a family’s wellbeing, so this is also paid attention to. Apart from financial conditions, job prospects, and promotions post-marriage, the horoscope is also used to find out whether the couple will be able to adjust with each other in their new life together.

Can you think of any other reasons the kundali is matched for? Share with us. 

Do Not Jump into an Arranged Marriage Right Away – Give it Some Time

Are you mentally preparing for an arranged marriage? Are your parents looking for a bride or groom for you or have you trusted the online matrimonial sites to find a suitable life partner? No matter what medium you choose to find your soul mate, remember that it is essential to give the new relationship some time and make it a point to know the person well before you settle down with him/her for a lifetime.

Communication is essential

If you are interested in the man or woman your parents have chosen for you, or you have met online, then it is mandatory to talk to the person as much as possible. After talking over the phone or chatting online, take things forward by meeting your prospective match in person. Choose a public place like a restaurant or may be go for a movie; however, it is important for both to agree on the place for meeting. It is essential to talk to each other and know of each other’s interests, only then can you find out how compatible you are with each other. Respect each other’s likes, preferences and dislikes. Later you can also arrange a meeting with your parents.

Give the relationship some time

Usually in arranged marriages, the bride and the groom has to go in for an engagement soon after the match is decided upon. However, it would be wise to maintain a time gap between the engagement and the wedding. Both the bride and the groom can take a good interval in understanding each other well, so that the marriage is not a hasty decision. Note that a man and woman will put on their best behavior in the initial one-two months, as both will wish to impress each other. It will be ideal to wait before the marriage and know the ‘real’ person before one can go in for a lifetime commitment.

If things go right, you will be surprised at how your arranged marriage will get transformed into love marriage.

Are You Ready to Get Married?

Marriage is a union you make with one person on a single day for life, so before you think of matrimony, it will be wise to ask yourself ‘Am I ready to get married?’.  First and foremost, it is essential to feel the lack of a soul mate. In case, you are single, you may take the help of online matrimonial sites to find an ideal partner whose preferences match yours.

Have you completed your education?

It is important to finish your education before you think of marriage. Remember that proper education can provide you with a good job and can give you financial security. Marriage comes with responsibilities towards your partner, so ensure you have done your best to give her a good future. In case of women, it will be better to complete your education and then get married, as all groom’s families will not be open to the idea of their daughter-in-law going to the college or university after marriage.

How financially secure are you?

This goes especially for the men. It is advisable to have a stable job before getting married. If you are having a stable income every month, you can relax and get married. Women who want to be financially independent should not think about marriage before finding a job and earning. It is better if you can save some amount in your bank account before you fix the date for your wedding. Nowadays, several brides and grooms prefer to pay for their own weddings; in this case, you will need to have some savings.

Are you ready to adjust and share?

You may have been the only child of your parents, but after marriage, you will have to adjust and share everything that is yours with your life partner. Note that the sharing part is not limited to material things, but you also have to be comfortable in sharing your views, secrets and dreams. Marriage brings in adjustment; so you must be willing to accept your life partner as your better half and forget about ‘me’ and only think about ‘us’.

Are you serious enough?

Marriage is not a cake walk; the honeymoon phase ends quickly and then there are several efforts required from both the husband and the wife in keeping their marriage intact. You need to be serious about each other and make a commitment to keep the bond strong and going forever.

Does your vision of future match hers/his?

In case you have found someone with whom you would like to spend a lifetime, find out if his/her vision of future matches yours. If the views do not match at all, there will be no gain in going ahead with the relationship.

 If you are confused in determining whether you are ready for marriage or not, you can also go for premarital counseling. This might act as the perfect guidance for you as well as your would-be life partner.

Learn to Look Beyond Looks

If you have decided to choose your life partner from many options, as in an arranged marriage, why not choose well? The foundation of a successful marriage depends on how well you make a choice. Whether it’s a first marriage or second wedding or mixed marriage, the key is to look beyond good looks and try to understand whether you will have a great future with that person and can shape your life well.

When you start looking for a life partner through an online matrimony site, through classifieds, or by reference from a friend, have an open mind and do not just focus on complexion, height, weight, good looks, etc. Remember that no human is perfect; you are not either, so why look for a perfect bride or groom? Rather find a human who will be your friend, spouse and partner for life.

Be natural and let others be natural

It is important for you not to behave in an artificial manner and also make the other person comfortable. Remember what you see in a lady/man in the first few meetings is what you may have to face all your life. So make the right decision and advance; if you do not like a behavior, you might let the person know that politely, but never expect a person to change his/her natural behavior.

Like or Unlike

When you talk to a prospective match for the first time, you will come to know whether you both share certain interests. If you like the person at the first meeting, consider it to be a green signal to be a go ahead. If you are seeking a life partner, the person should at least be suitable enough to be your friend at the first meeting.

See the future together

If you find that the prospective match does not see future like you do or do not have plans that coincide with yours. You can stop and take the red signal.

Getting Prepared for a Honeymoon

Honeymoon is a word that is attractive to all newly wedded couples. Deciding where to go and what to do seems very exciting to the new bride and groom. However, if you want nothing to go wrong in the first trip after marriage, and keep it enjoyable and memorable, you need to take care of certain factors.

Planning is essential

Do not compromise on the planning part. The better you plan, the better your trip is going to be. In case the man is making the arrangements, he should talk to his life partner and keep in mind her likes and dislikes. It is not a good thing to let the parents take part in the planning as it is yours and your life partner’s special trip, so let it be just the two of you in the picture.

Weather updates

 It is important to follow the weather forecasts and then take your pick. If it is a monsoon, then it is best to avoid hill stations and if it is summer, then you will do best to keep away from having a desert honeymoon. It is a good idea to research the internet for the type of weather at the place you have decided for the trip.

Make the reservations

It is better to book the train/bus/air tickets as early as possible. Also make reservations with a travel agency as well as make the reservations for the hotel or resort you are going to stay in. Check out the tour packages available and pick the best one that is affordable and a good option for both of you. You definitely do not want to run about making the reservations on your trip and lose out on quality together-time.

Set the budget

Fix the budget beforehand and try to adhere to it strictly. There are several expenses when you are starting a new life together, so do not make any extra expenditure on your trip. Be wise and spend wisely.

Medical supplies

If you or your partner needs some medicines, do not wait to get it in the honeymoon destination. It is better if you carry them with you; the medicines might not be available in the place you are going. It will be ideal if you can carry a first aid medical kit.

Travel documents

Make sure you are carrying your passport, ID proof and even your marriage certificate. You may never predict when you might need which document, so it is always better to be on the safe side.

Camera

Do not forget to take your camera on your honeymoon. You will surely want to capture some great moments of you two to look back and smile in the future.

Necessities

Think about what you need. If you are planning a camping, it is essential to carry a tent. In case you are going for a safari or planning a honeymoon to the jungles or forests, a mosquito repellant lotion is a must. You would not want to be down with malaria or dengue on your honeymoon.

A Low Budget Wedding Can Benefit You

It may be your dream to have a lavish wedding, but if you can control this urge and spend reasonably in your big day to have a smaller wedding, you can end up saving a lot of money for your new life together. Apart from the ‘save money’ factor, there are many other reasons to have a small wedding.

Inviting less people

In a small wedding you do not invite a lot of people, but only people who are closer to you and whom you want to be a part of your happiness. This allows the newly wedded couple to attend the guests personally and talk to them.

You are relaxed

If you are inviting less people and people who you are comfortable with, you will be very much relaxed on your wedding day. To top it all, you will not feel the need to put on an artificial smile on your face. You will enjoy everyone’s presence and enjoy your own wedding better.

Save money for your dream honeymoon

In case you save money in organizing a big fat Indian wedding, you can save a lot to go to a foreign destination, exotic or European location for your honeymoon later. It I not the wedding day that matters, it the life that follows after that matters a lot.

Planning a destination wedding

Having a low budget wedding will also enable you to plan for a destination wedding, which is quite in vogue today. You can save the money and plan for a beach wedding or a wedding in some hill station with only close friends and relatives as your guests.

Pre-wedding Photo Sessions are in Trend

More and more Indians are now open to the idea of having a pre-wedding photo shoot done. This is viewed as one brilliant way to capture the love moments before tying the knot and uniting for life. Not only people who are having a love marriage, even people settling for an arranged marriage are hiring photographers for a pre-wedding photo session.

In the case of arranged weddings, the bride and the groom usually opt for a photo shoot after their engagement and before their wedding. Nowadays, couples are viewing the pre-wedding photography to be as important as their wedding photography.

Hiring a photographer

The major step in getting a pre-wedding photo shoot done is to hire the right photographer. Now there are many photographers that one can hire, but it is best to choose the one with whom a couple can share a good rapport and be friendly. Unlike wedding photography, pre-wedding photography will be more relaxed, more fun and there will be more freedom as far as the poses and clothes are concerned, so the photographer also should be fun to deal with.

Opt for a photographer who has years of experience and the one you can afford. Do not go for a photographer who charges too much or too less. It is better to discuss how many photographs will be taken, in which format you will be getting it, whether you want an album, etc. before the photo session is agreed upon by both parties.

Deciding the location

It is up to you for choosing a picturesque location for getting your photos taken. At times couples may ask the photographer they hired for suggesting a good location that is not very crowded, is an illuminated area and an ideal choice for photography. You may choose a resort, a garden or a park, some area of historical significance, your home, or any other location.

Ideas

If you are confused and do not have any unique ideas for posing, you may count on your photographer. Photographers have a great eye for the right background, mix of colors, lighting, and other details. They can capture a couple in the best of poses; if you have no experience in posing, blindly follow what your photographer asks you to do, and the outcome will be great pictures.

Photographers can also suggest you props like masks, umbrellas, books, balloons, flowers, etc. to make your photos stand out.

If you can hire a good photographer, half the job is done. You just need to make the most of the time available and capture some great moments of togetherness before wedding. You may use these pictures for creating a customized wedding card or can also splash the photos all over the wedding hall as part of the wedding décor.

The Wedding Ring in Christian Marriages

The wedding ring symbolizes eternal love for Christians. The perfect circle of the wedding ring is deemed to be a circle of love and as a circle does not have any end, so this ring is thought to be the perfect epitome of immortal love, commitment and marital bond.

The make

For Christians, gold is usually the metal chosen for the making of the ring. The wedding ring is traditionally a simple plain band, but there are also rings with designs and engravings.

The finger

The wedding ring is normally worn on the ring finger or fourth finger of the left hand; the reason behind this is that the left finger is not as much used as the right hand for most people and the fourth finger is the second least used finger following the little finger, so wearing the ring on this finger would mean the soft metal (gold) will not face injury. The ring is not worn on the least used (little) finger, because then the ring would have very little surface area to be decorated.

Though there are superstitious beliefs saying that a vein of only the ring finger reaches the heart that is why the wedding ring is worn on that finger. The truth is that all fingers have veins that go right to the heart. It must also be noted that there are some exceptions where the wedding ring is worn on other fingers and not on the fourth finger.

The essence of a Christian wedding is never complete without a ring for many. More than 20 tonnes of gold (white and yellow) is used for the making of wedding rings every year in the United States alone.

Significance of Gotra in Hindu Marriages

Gotra/Gothra/Gotram is a concept that helps identify the families of a particular Hindu caste. This patrilineal classification is the base on which Hindu weddings usually occur. Brides and grooms belonging to a similar gotra are considered to be distantly related/brothers and sisters, and are forbidden from marrying each other.

The Gotra system originated among the Hindu Brahmins and is considered to be descents from Saptarishi or the seven sages, who were Angirasa, Atri, Gautam, Kashyapa, Bhrigu, Vasistha, and Bharadwaja.

Marriage between cousins can lead to deformed children; gotram can be a safe option

There is scientific evidence that marriage between blood relatives have chances of giving birth to abnormal offspring owing to hybrid DNA combinations and genetic mismatch. For maintaining the genetic distance in marriages, gotra is considered to be a safe bet. That is one of the major reasons why gotram has become such an important part of Hindu marriage traditions.

According to Hindu customs and vedic rituals, a marriage that takes place between a bride and a groom belonging to the same gotra is considered to be an impure union. It is believed that such a matrimony will bring upon doom on the family and clan; whereas, it is believed that marriage of people belonging to different gotras will bring happiness, progeny and prosperity to the family.

In a Hindu wedding, a bride belongs to her father’s gotra till the marriage is successful; post marriage she will belong to her husband’s gotra.

However, according to the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, marriage between members of the same gotra has been legalized. ‘A marriage solemnized between Hindus before the commencement of this Act, which is otherwise valid, shall not be deemed to be invalid or ever to have been invalid by reason only of the fact that the parties thereto belonged to the same gotra or pravara or belonged to different religions, castes or sub- divisions of the same caste.’

8 Types of Hindu Marriages Recognized by Manusmriti

Manusmriti or the Laws of Manu is a discourse on how a Hindu should lead a life. Manu, a Hindu sage, passed down these social laws to Hindu rishis and saints. The laws were compiled and considered to be the words of Lord Brahma. Manusmriti originally had 1000 chapters, and later was presented only in 12 chapters.

According to Manusmriti, there are 8 different types of Hindu marriages based on the circumstances under which a marriage is taking place.

• Brahma Vivaha: Manusmriti identifies Brahma vivaha to be the ideal form of Hindu matrimony. In this wedding, the bride and the groom belong to good families and are from the same caste (varna). According to the customs of this wedding, the boy’s family has to approach the girl’s parents and ask for her hand in marriage. Kanyadaan or the handing over of the bride to the groom by her father is considered to be an important ritual in this form of marriage. The groom promises that he will never be deceitful to his wife in terms of piety, progeny and pleasure. 
• Daiva Vivaha: In this wedding, a father gives his daughter’s hand in marriage to a sacrificial priest, as part of his fee. This marriage takes place when the parents of the bride have looked for a suitable groom for a long time and have been unable to find a good match for her. 

• Arsa Vivaha: In this marriage, the father of the bride offers dowry to the groom’s family and the groom’s family also has to give a cow and a bull as gifts to the bride’s family. Instead of the animals, the token price for the bride (ie., the price of a cow and bull) is also accepted by the bride’s family. 
• Prajapatya Vivaha: According to Manusmriti, this is a form of marriage where the bride’s father does not have to give any dowry and neither does he demand any bride price from the groom’s family. 
• Gandharva Vivaha: This is what the modern world knows as love marriage. In this wedding, two people who are in love tie the matrimonial knot. For social acceptance, this kind of matrimony is often solemnized at religious ceremonies. 
• Asura Vivaha:  This is marriage by purchase; in this wedding, the father of the bride accepts the bride-price from the groom.
• Rakshasa Vivaha: This is the marriage that takes place between a man and a woman, where the woman was captured by the man in a war or otherwise and forced into the marriage. 
• Paishacha Vivaha: Here the bride is seduced by a man through his tricks into marriage. She was not in her senses during the marriage and therefore has not consented to the marriage. 

Nowadays these forms of marriages are unknown to many Hindus. However, these forms of marriages are still prevalent in different parts of India.

What are your thoughts on the 'Laws of Manu'? Share with us. 

How Arranged Marriages May Actually Benefit You

Do you want to get married and have not found your perfect match? Opt for arranged marriage; come on, it’s not a bad way to get married and contrary to what many people might think, an arranged marriage can be a mature decision to make.

The western world is not familiar to the concept of Indian arranged marriages. However, in India the situation is different; here, the parents can look for a suitable match for their sons and daughters, and it is not considered abnormal. Parents can look for suitable matches through classifieds in newspapers, or through online matrimony sites, or just through acquaintances. An eligible girl or boy who is interested in getting married has to meet a proposed match (one who his/her parents thought was a good match) and then express his/her like or dislike. The decisions are very practical and business like, and at the initial meeting there are hardly any emotions involved. This strategy is perfect for the 21st century business model.

You must first ask yourself if you have any problem in allowing your parents to help you find a perfect match. Our parents might do better than us in finding a perfect match; after all, their experiences in life cannot be ignored. Young people might get easily carried away by good looks and physical attraction, which may result in shallow love and lust and the relationship might be short-lived, while elders can look beyond the physical beauty.

Arranged marriages are not as simple as they appear. Two families get involved in it. Several important aspects are taken into consideration such as religion, caste, social stature, economic conditions, property and education. Any issue pertaining to the marriage is handled by both the families, so the boy and girl gets a great level of support from their respective parents.

Do you want to go for an arranged marriage? If yes, let us know why. 

What to talk about when you meet your prospective partner outside for the first time

Have you met a girl or guy online whom you are interested in and want to marry? Was it an online matrimony site where you met or was it some social networking site? Well, if you are meeting him/her for the first time outside (which can be called your first date with that person), make sure you are calm and confident and do not ask any embarrassing or awkward questions.

Be natural. Let the words flow

It is highly important to be yourself and not act artificial. Do not mug up a script for making a conversation with the man/woman; rather, let it be natural and allow the words to flow and the conversation take its own course.

Tips for women

Keep an eye on him and find out how he treats you; whether he pulls the chair for you in case you went out to have lunch or dinner together, or whether he holds open the door of some restaurant or the door of his car for you.

Talk to him and try to understand his views on women’s freedom. Ask if he is open to the idea of you working or even not working. This will help you know whether this man is suitable to be your life partner.

It is also important to check if your interests match. It is not mandatory that all your interests will be matching; he may like action movies, you may like romantic movies, but ensure that there are certain common interests that you share.

Tips for men

Ask if the girl is being pressurized into marriage by her parents or she’s doing it of her own free will. It is important for you to know this. You will definitely not want to marry a girl who is being forcibly married off.

Men are easily carried away by good looking women. Do not let that happen, as marriage is for life. Even if the woman sitting before you might be very pretty, talk to her and try to look beyond the beauty that is skin deep. Try to know what kind of a person she is, whether she is jovial, has a good sense of humor, or whether she’s down to earth or artificial in her manners.

Try not to ask any personal questions; this goes for both men and women. A person’s past relationships are not something to talk about on your first date.

It is equally important for the men to know if they share any common interests with the women. For instance, if you both like traveling, then that can be called a 'plus' in the relationship, as you already have the same views on it.

Do you have some more tips to share? Feel free to share your views here

Maintain a Good Relationship with Your In Laws Post Marriage

Often newly-weds do not get along well with their in laws and ends up messing their relationship with their partners too. There are ways to ‘not hate’ in laws and save a marriage from entering the crisis zone. 

Know your priorities 

It is essential for both partners to realize that their spouse is their priority and even if any problems arise or conflicts happen, the parents/relatives should not be called in between. If you are involving your parents in any marital conflict, it is likely to ruin your marriage as well as ruin your spouse’s relationship with your marriage. When in a marriage, you should not even encourage any of your parents/relatives talking about your husband/wife in a demeaning manner. 

Be connected to your in laws

You must show respect to your husband/wife’s parents as you would respect your own. If you speak ill of your in laws before your husband/wife, remember it will hurt the sentiments of your spouse and will make her/him have bitter thoughts about you. Keep in mind that your in laws may not be as pleasant as you expect them to be; they may be rude and difficult to handle, but you must show them respect at all times only because they are elder to you. 

If the situation gets too difficult to cope with

If you find that in spite of all your good behavior, your in laws are behaving rudely with you, abusing you verbally or physically assaulting you (this usually happens with the wife), speak to your husband immediately. You must let him know of the situation and let him know that you have done your best to control it and can no longer control it. Talk to each other and find out how you can tackle the situation. 

Plan a trip with your in laws and parents

After your honeymoon trip is over, you may plan a second trip with both in laws. This will help the family unite and get closer to each other. Amidst all the talks, laughs and food, you all will develop a deep bond which is highly needed in a family. 

Remember you need to work around your marriage to make it successful. Your in laws are also a part of your marriage and so learn to love and respect them; this goes out for women as well as men. 

The Wedding Games

Indian weddings are all the more fun with the plethora of games that the bride and the groom have to take part in. Indian wedding customs require the bride and groom to participate in several games which are impregnated with significance and symbolism.

Hiding the groom’s shoe

According to several Hindu marriage traditions, the hiding of the shoes is a very common wedding game. In this game, probably the sister of the bride with the help of her friends and cousins hides the shoes of the groom when he is busy during the wedding. Later, money is asked from the groom in exchange for his shoes. The challenge is to get access to the groom’s shoes as the siblings and friends of the groom guard his shoes when he is busy getting married.

Finding the ring

In another fun wedding game, the rings of both the bride and the groom is thrown in a pot/vessel containing milk and rose petals. The newly-weds task is to put their hands in the container and retrieve their own ring. Whoever does it first is said to rule the marriage.

Find your name

If the bride is wearing mehendi on her hands, in all probability she will also be having the groom’s name mentioned somewhere within the mehendi design. The challenge for the groom is to find his own name in her hands. This game is not as simple as it seems; often the mehendi artists do a brilliant job and it gets really difficult to find one’s own name. In case the groom cannot find his name at all, the bride is believed to rule the marriage.

Antakshari

The bride with her siblings, cousins and friends make a team while the groom makes a team with his friends and cousins. They play the antakshari game and if the bride’s team wins, the bride is said to rule the marriage, and vice versa.

Tell us about some of the wedding games that you find interesting.

On Your First Date Make the Right Impression

OK, so you have met a girl/guy on Facebook or over an online matrimony site or simply met someone at a friend’s place. Now do you want to get to know him/her a little more? Are you thinking about a date? It is necessary to get to know a person better if you really like him/her and want to think on the lines of marriage.

Choosing the right site
If you have set the day for the date and also managed to convince your date, you must think about the place you want to take him/her. Do not go for movies, as you will hardly be able to talk there. The idea is to talk and listen to each other as much as possible on your first date. It will be best to go to a restaurant and have lunch or dinner together.

Do not overdo it
Make sure you haven’t chosen a very expensive restaurant as that might have a negative impact on your special someone. Do not wear too flashy and expensive clothes, as that will make you appear as a ‘showoff’ and at the same time remember not to wear very casual clothes as that also will make your date feel you gave no importance to the occasion.

Personal hygiene counts
It is important to ensure that you have put on some good deodorant in case you have a body odour problem. Also take extra care to brush well and use a mouth freshener. There’s something that guys need to know, women are really turned off with poor hygiene and bad breath. Ladies cut your nails and shape them. When you are chewing food, chew slowly with your mouth closed; you never know how closely the person opposite you is watching you.

A gift is a special way to say you care
Choose to gift your man or lady love a box of chocolates. Men can gift a white or yellow rose or even a single pink rose to the women, but ensure that it’s not a red rose as it may be a little over the top if you are gifting a red rose, as it signifies passionate love.

Talk a lot and listen even more
It is important to be comfortable and talk freely, and it’s all the more important to listen to the other. Never talk about your past relationships and how they turned out to be disasters for you on your first date, this will not prove to be positive for you. It is not necessary to open up with your secrets on your first date itself, but you can definitely talk about your interests, family, friends, pets and even food. Try to keep the problems in your life away from the conversation. When he/she is on the verge of becoming your life partner, you may share your secrets then.

Who pays?
Normally men should offer to pay for the food, but women must also make an offer to pay. In case the guy does not agree, the lady must choose to pay half the bill. If the guy doesn’t agree again, she must politely let him pay.

Be natural
Above all, do not behave in an artificial manner; try to be as natural as possible. Make eye contact with your date, as it tells the other that you are interested. If you have a good sense of humour, do not hesitate to flaunt that quality; it might make your date smile and laugh and this may be the start to your love story.

All’s well that ends well
This is for the men. Try your best to drop the lady home. That is a nice gesture and will prove to the lady that you care and are a gentleman. If the lady wants, the man may give her a sweet little kiss on the cheek to conclude the date; however, if there is no such gesture from the lady to get cosy, make do with waving a bye to her as you drop her at her doorstep.

Do you have anything to share on impressing a woman/man on the first date?

Toe Rings for the Indian Bride

In Indian wedding custom, women of several communities have it mandatory and as part of their wedding ceremony to wear toe rings preferably on the second toe of the feet. In Hindi, the toe ring is called Bichiya, and is usually put on the bride by her husband on the wedding day. Married women wearing toe rings only stops wearing the toe rings with their husbands’ death.

Toe rings are especially made of silver, and not of gold, as gold is considered to be the metal of the Gods and it is considered improper to wear gold below the waist. In Hindu marriage traditions, married women wear one toe ring each on the second toe of both feet and many wear only one toe ring on just one toe of a single foot. There are other customs where a married woman wears one toe ring on a foot for her husband and another toe ring on the second foot for her brother.

Scientific explanation

It is believed that wearing the toe ring on the second toe of the foot implies that certain nerves are pressed keeping the reproductive system balanced and healthy. It is also believed that the menstrual cycle for the Hindu brides wearing the toe rings will be regular and the chances of conceiving are increased.
Toe rings are designed in a manner that they can be easily worn on the toes. They are usually open hoops, though there may be some which are closed rings. Unmarried women are discouraged from wearing the toe rings.


Can you add anything more to the significance of wearing toe rings?

The Brighter Side of Online Matrimony

Nowadays internet is being used for paying bills, watching movies, and even for getting married. However, there are still several questions and hesitations among people when it comes to making an important decision of their life online. Getting your perfect life partner on an online matrimony site may sound too good to be true, and then there are some associated fears that stop people from approaching matches online.

If you look at the brighter side of having a profile on a free matrimony website, you will have a lot to gain.

No need to meet a prospective match personally

Online matrimonial sites give you the option of getting in touch with suitable matches online without having to meet them in person at the first go. Once you are comfortable and think you know them well, you can fix a meeting to get to know the person better. If you do not like a person by chatting with him/her online, the question of meeting him/her personally does not arise. This way you can have a control over the person you wish to meet, unlike traditionally arranged marriages where you have to meet the person face to face to get connected.

Great way to reach out to more number of prospective matches

If you opt for free online matrimony services, you can reach more prospective matches and tell them about your partner preferences. You can also use the online matrimonial sites to let suitable matches find your profile. This way your options to find a worthy match increases to a great extent. The best part is all of this comes for free, unlike the traditional arranged marriage scenarios.

You can search for your match without letting the world know

If you do not want all your relatives and friends to know that you are looking for a bride/groom, the best option would be to register online with the best online matrimony site. This way you can advance your search for your soul mate and the world does not have to know about it.

What are your views on online matrimonial services? Share with us.

Telugu Marriages: Mix of Tradition and Symbolism

Telugu wedding ceremonies and customs are different from the marriage rituals of the neighboring southern states of India. All the rituals followed by Telugu grooms and brides in their wedding are full of significance and symbolism to help the couple make a transition into their new life.

Telugu matrimony customs

The rituals start with the Mangala Snanam custom in the morning. This is the bathing custom; the bride/groom takes the auspicious bath on the day of the wedding. This symbolizes that they are purified and ready to perform sacred rites for the wedding.

After a general aarti by the respective houses of the bride and groom, the Ganesh puja is conducted at the mandapam just prior to the wedding by the groom. Ganesh puja is performed for success in any sacred occasion. The bride will be performing the Gauri puja; Gauri is Goddess Durga and worshipping her symbolizes feminine power, energy, fertility, etc.

In Telugu weddings, the bride is brought to the mandap by her maternal uncle. In the Telugu Kanyadaan ritual, the parents of the bride wash the feet of their son-in-law as they see him as a resemblance of God.
In the Madhuparkam ritual, the Telugu bride and groom are dressed in cotton white saree and dhoti respectively and the garments have red borders.

After the tying of mangalsutra round the neck of the bride by the groom, it’s time for the Kanyadaan Akshata ritual. In this custom, the bride and groom exchange garlands and relatives/friends of the newly-weds shower flower petals and turmeric colored rice on them.

Saptapadi is an important marriage ritual where the bride and groom take seven steps around the fire together. For this custom, the end of the bride’s saree and groom’s dhoti are tied in a knot.

Sthaalipaakam is another Telugu wedding ritual where the groom has to adorn the feet of his bride with silver toe rings. This symbolizes the warding off of the evil eye.

Share other fascinating Telugu wedding customs with us.

Balancing Marriage and Profession Well Can be the Key to a Happy Married Life

Post marriage, all working couples should keep in mind that you might be in a 9 to 5 job or maybe working for longer hours, but if you want to make your marriage work, you have to work toward it round the clock. Your life partner cannot be taken for granted, it is a challenge to make him/her feel special always and you have to strive toward achieving that. 

Today, several married professionals join the rat race for earning more and end up devoting a lot of time to their work. What they forget is that they have to keep the charm alive in their marriage and not let it wear out and wither away. If both of you are married and working, make sure that you are not neglecting each other. It sometimes gets difficult to manage work, household chores, children, and spend quality time with your life partner, but remember that he/she is your life partner and deserves love and attention.

Do not let monotony set in your married life. Create new common interests, cut down on watching television instead spend that time talking to your partner, send at the least one 'I love you' SMS’ to your partner when he/she is at their workplace, do not forget to kiss each other goodnight, and never hesitate from discussing work and professional issues with your spouse. You may just find a friend in your partner who can help you in resolving certain issues related to your work. 

It does not matter whether you have selected a working life partner, or have come across your working partner on some online matrimony site, or a working partner was selected for you by your parents; what matters is, you should have the determination to handle work and marriage, so that marriage does not suffer for your work. Make your spouse feel that he/she is in your mind and not forgotten. After all, family is important and it should be your first priority. Always remember, you are married to your partner and not to your job. 

Do you think you will be able to balance your work life with your married life? If yes, let us know how you plan to do it.

Why Mehendi is Important in Indian Marriages?

Mehendi is the name given to the traditional art form of decorating hands and feet with henna paste. Mehendi is a very old and customary marriage tradition for weddings in the Indian subcontinent, and it is even quintessential in Pakistan and Nepal. The application of mehendi on the hands and legs of brides is not only limited to Hindu marriages; today mehendi has been embraced by many regardless of what caste, community or religion they belong to.

What mehendi represents?

Mehendi in Indian marriages is considered to be a good omen/shagun and it represents the love between the couple and their families.
It is believed that the darker the colour of mehendi on the bride’s palms, the deeper the bonding and level of understanding is between the bride and the groom as well as her in-laws.

Other beliefs

There are several beliefs associated with the application of mehendi in Hindu weddings. According to a popular belief, the longer a bride is able to retain the colour of mehendi on her hands and feet post-marriage, the more fortunate it is for the newly-weds.
Some people even say that mehendi represents fertility and so is considered auspicious for the bride.

Scientific truth

Henna leaves are known for their medicinal properties. These leaves when made into a paste have a cooling effect and can relieve a person from headaches, stress and fever. Since stress can be a major issue when preparing for a wedding, the application of mehendi before wedding is beneficial in relieving the bride and the groom from all the wedding stress.

Moreover, mehendi is applied to the hands and feet, as the limbs have the nerve endings in the body. Mehendi for weddings was conceptualized in a bid to keep the bride and the groom healthy before the wedding. So, it actually makes sense to have the mehendi ceremony prior to the wedding.

What do you have to say about mehendi for weddings? Share with us. 

How to Manage the Pre-Wedding Blues

Marriage is a once-in-a-lifetime event and prior to it comes a lot of stress while arranging for the big day. If you do not plan things ahead, there can be a lot of stress and confusion just before the wedding. It will be wise of you to plan things before and adhere to the schedule.

Words for ladies and gentlemen who want to be in shape for their big day

Be on a diet, avoid junk food and have nutritious food only; this should not only help you shed extra weight, but it will also help you flaunt a healthier skin for your big day. Going on a crash diet just months or weeks before your wedding will not help you, but will only make you weaker and look dull on your wedding. You surely do not want to appear all dry and dull on one of the most memorable days of your life.

You can exercise or follow a diet programme, but do not be too harsh on yourself. Hit the spa and relax. Keep in mind that your life partner loves you for who you are, so relax and be comfortable about the way you look and about your body.

Plan well

Right after the wedding date is set, make plans. Think of the smallest things that have to be bought and done. Do not postpone things that have to be done right away. Keep ticking of the things you have completed from your to-do list. It is better you are done with the preparations much earlier than to keep it for later and be stressed.

Enjoy your time

If you want to cope with the stress, you need to unwind and enjoy some good times with friends and family. Do not be thinking about marriage all the time, it will keep you worried. Relax and go for movies with your would be wife or husband, enjoy dinner outside with your family, and meet your friends.

A wedding, as well as its before and after phase should be enjoyed. Do not let the stress engulf you; if you let this happen, you will miss out on enjoying your marriage thoroughly.

Do you have any more plans to say a NO to the stress? Share with us. 

How to Make Your Honeymoon Unforgettable

The honeymoon is often ignored by newly married couples, but there’s reason why you should not omit it for saving on costs or time. Marriage is a new venture for the bride and the groom, and honeymoon is the time when they can spend quality time with each other alone without thinking about work, relatives and other matters. This time of togetherness will help newly-wedded couples develop a stronger bond and know each other better. Remember even if you were in love with each other before you got married, there are several things that only a wife and a husband gets to know about each other.

Do something interesting and worth remembering for the rest of your lives

It is fun to go a little out of the way and do something adventurous, wild or highly interesting together. For instance, if you are at a hill station, you may try trekking, camping or something else that you did not do before. If it’s a beach, you may try paragliding, snorkeling, a camel ride, or anything. It does not matter what you do, but it should be fun for you both.

Get clicked every now and then

Make several fond memories on your honeymoon and remember to have lots of photos to capture those moments for a lifetime. If you are hesitant to ask strangers for clicking pictures of you with your partner, be sure to carry a tripod so that you can click as many pictures as and when you wish without having to be dependent on others.

Eat, drink and be merry

You no longer have to fit into your wedding dress, so it’s okay if you eat whatever you want and drink and be happy within. The mantra is to be with each other, find happiness and grab enough of it.

Have more and more of sex

At your honeymoon, your mind is free from stress, relaxed and happy. Therefore, it is the best time to get intimate with each other and enjoy sex. This will help you attain heightened bliss.

Take pleasure in life’s simple offerings

You may both sit together and enjoy a sunrise or sunset among romantic talks. Do things that interest you both together; you might do some reading, sing and dance together, enjoy a candle light dinner, horse riding, play some games, or visit the spa for a massage together.

The honeymoon is the time for showering each other with love, coming closer to each other, and strengthening the bond of the knot that you made on your wedding day. Laugh and love a lot; be silly, no one told you that you have to be serious; have fun; make memories.

If you can think of better things to do on your honeymoon, share those ideas with us. 

Tips for men to steal the show on their marriage day

Hey all you men nearing your wedding day, it’s time you do something to make people say on your wedding day, Gosh! The bride’s so lucky. It’s good if you are getting a pretty bride and taking pride in it, but wouldn’t it be great if you could make yourself look equally good beside her?

There are ways to achieve the look you want on your D-day. You just have to show some dedication on your part, that’s it.

Start with a clear complexion

Use a good face scrub and get rid of the blackheads, dead skin cells and blocked pores. You must also start to clean your face with a good face wash religiously, so that by the time your wedding day arrives, you have a fresh glow to your face. If you have an oily skin it’s all the more important to clean the face with some cleanser for oily skin 2-3 times a day.

Be essentially careful with the shaving

If you are not too careful when shaving, you may get cuts and might end up carrying those scars on a clean shaven face to the mandap on the wedding day. Also use a gentle after-shave balm to soothe your face each time you get a shave in the couple of months before the wedding day.

Visit the parlor

You may visit a parlor/spa at least thrice in the last two months before the wedding. This will help you attain a striking glow and you yourself can note the difference these sessions make to your face.

Do not neglect your hair

Even if grooms take care of their face, they often tend to ignore their hair. If you do not have naturally beautiful hair that you can run your fingers through, remember that your wife will also not be able to run her fingers through your hair. So, try to do something for that dry hair or oily hair problem. Use the right shampoo and conditioners for your hair type. A beauty care professional could help you in knowing your hair type and suggesting the right hair products for you.

Take care of your hands too

Give your bride something good to hold on the wedding day. If you have very rough hands, she might not feel like holding them. Before the wedding day arrives, keep using a nice hand cream generously to make the smooth and supple. Your hands need to look good when the cameraman focuses on the ring on your finger.

With all the beauty treatments, you should be looking awesome on your wedding day. A wedding is a once in a lifetime moment, so why not give your bride the best of you?

So what say, would-be grooms, would you like to look great on your wedding? Share with us your plans to get a makeover. 

How to Handle an Interfaith Marriage

When you meet a guy or a girl and have a good feeling inside, and start liking the person, you do not know which caste or religion the person belongs to. At first glance, all you may like in the person is his/her looks, mannerisms, personality, attitude or a certain behavior. Note that it’s important to love a person for what he/she is; if you are in love with a person from another faith, do not let the religion factor affect your relationship adversely.

Often people meet on online matrimony sites and even social networking sites and fall in love; it might also happen that at first the difference in caste or religion is negligible, but as the relationship advances or when marriage happens, the differences widen making the marriage fail.

It is important for the couple of different religions to come to a mutual consent on certain factors. They must decide before marriage, whether they will be free to follow their own faiths even after marriage; in what faith they will be bringing up their children in future; in no way should the differences in faith come in the way of marriage.

Marriage is a sacred commitment and it’s a commitment for a lifetime, no matter whether the differences are in opinion, in caste or in religion.

Keys to Make Arranged Marriages a Success

Arranged marriages are not that simple, as in these situations majority of the people do not know their would-be partner too well. However, there are certain factors that should be taken care of before you proceed toward marrying a person, even if he/she has been chosen by your parents/relatives.

Age

When selecting a bride/groom through an online matrimony site, or newspaper classifieds, it is important to keep the age factor in mind. The age gap between the bride and the groom should not be too wide. Ideally, it is best that the bride is about 23-27 years of age and the groom is within 30 years.

Qualities

Keep a list of the qualities you expect your future husband/wife to have and share the list with the individual chosen to be your life partner. The individual should know your expectations before marriage and should proceed only if both of your wavelengths match.

Expectations

Keep a check on your expectations. While it is necessary to let your partner know what qualities you need in him/her, it is also better not to expect that all those requirements will be fulfilled. It is very unlikely that a single person will have all the virtues you ask for.

Financial security and looks

Though the economic stature of the family you are getting married in counts a lot for arranged marriages, it will be better not to look upon it as the most important thing. The looks of the individual you are getting married to should also be a secondary factor. Do not give it a lot of attention.

Background research

It is vital to do a thorough background research on the person you are going to marry, before saying a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the marriage proposal.

Work your brain

No matter how much your parents/relatives praise a match, always rely on your own instincts. Observe the person chosen for you closely and if you feel confused regarding any behavior, talk to your friends and siblings for helping you out. Let your decision be the final one.

Note that marriage is for life. Just because your parents say a guy/girl is the best match for you, do not go ahead blindly. Study the person as much as possible and only then give your consent. After all, it is your life.