Don’t Use Facebook to the Extent of Ruining Your Marriage

Today, a major chunk of the urban young population use Facebook and other social media sites and a large portion of them are addicted. It is important for married couples to indulge in healthy social networking and not let it be the reason for a divorce.

Recently, a woman in West Bengal was on the verge of a divorce owing to spending a lot of time on Facebook. She had no job and spent the whole day on the social networking site and kept stalking her friends; everything used to bother her and she used to compare her lifestyle with her friends’ lifestyles. What someone cooked, which new dress a girl bought, where a friend went for vacation, how happy her friends are; she followed everything closely and got frustrated with her life which was not so happening.

She started venting her frustrations on her husband to the amount of abusing him verbally as well as physically. Her husband got tired of it all and filed for a divorce.

You see, what happens when you let the virtual world gain control over your life.

Follow certain golden rules

• It is important to set your priorities right. You must remember that your husband/wife is your first priority and the amount of time you spend on Facebook should not come between you and your life partner.
• Often spouses check each other’s profiles to find out the comments made by their partners on people of the opposite sex’s photos and what comments friends of the opposite sex have made on their partner’s status and photos. This often leads to suspicion, jealousy and misunderstandings among couples. 
• If you have your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend on your friend list and your spouse knows about that, it may lead to unnecessary tensions and problems that might result in breaking your bonding with each other. 
• Do not say or do anything on Facebook that you wouldn't want your life partner to know about. 

Ensure that you are spending quality time with your spouse and not being busy on Facebook when your spouse is trying to talk with you. You must make your spouse believe that he/she is most important to you through your actions.

Mangalsutra and Hindu Marriages

Among Hindus, mangalsutra is more than just an ornament. It is the object that stays with the wife since the day she gets married and a woman only ceases to wear it when her husband is no more. For several Hindu communities, a marriage is not complete until the husband ties the mangalsutra around the bride’s neck.

The pendant and the black beads

Just as a necklace with a pendant, the mangalsutra (mangal meaning auspicious and sutra meaning thread) may also come with a pendant. Differing from an ordinary pendant, the mangalsutra’s pendant has certain significance. The pendant might be a peacock design or any other design and is an important component of the mangalsutra. The peacock pendant especially symbolizes the love a wife has for her husband.

The string of black beads is considered to keep away evil from the lives of the wedded couple. The main belief is that when a mangalsutra is worn by the bride, the husband is protected from dangers and mishaps.

Types

Gold pendant mangalsutras are considered to be superior than others owing to the fact that gold as a metal symbolizes prosperity and is believed to increase energy levels in the body. People who cannot afford gold, may have mangalsutras having silver pendants.

Several South Indians will also wear mangalsutras that are usually yellow cotton threads with gold pendant(s). Several North Indians also wear mangalsutras made of plastic thread. The mangalsutra’s type and form differs according to different regions, caste subdivisions and also depends on the amount a couple/the family can afford to spend for the mangalsutra.

Apart from the black bead mangalsutra and the yellow thread one, there is also the full gold mangalsutra.

No matter what the type, the importance of the mangalsutra is same for all married women who wear it. The mangalsutra is the equivalent of the wedding ring in the western world. Some women do not open it even for a second, while there are others who may open it while sleeping at night. All married women wearing the mangalsutra revere it as a holy object that wards off all evils from her married life.

Do you women think that the mangalsutra should be made compulsory for married women? Tell us what you feel.

Say NO to Dowry Demands

All the young girls out there, if your marriage is near, keep your eyes and ears open for any talks/demands of dowry from your would-be in-laws. Remember that expensive gifts like cars, refrigerators, furniture, etc. given by your parents to your in-laws may be seen as dowry, regardless of the fact that your in-laws demanded it or not.

Be strong enough to stop your parents from offering any expensive gift, an apartment/house, property, gold, etc. to your in-laws. If there is any demand for dowry from your in-laws, raise a voice against it. Also report to the police; these people need to be taught a lesson. You definitely do not want to move into a family of rich beggars who see your family as a source of income.

Parents having daughters often think that giving dowry will ensure the well-being of their daughters, but that is a myth. This way the parents only end up making their daughters’ lives miserable, as the in-laws see their daughter’s family as a means of income and keep demanding gift items, gold and money at regular intervals. A time comes when the girl’s family is no longer able to pay for the gifts, and then starts the physical assault of the daughter-in-law. According to a Hindustan Times report, 8391 deaths for dowry were reported all over India in 2010.

Young women of India should understand that giving dowry cannot stop crimes from happening; on the contrary, it will give rise to a plethora of social evils, like female foeticide, denial of education for the girl child, dowry deaths, and many other wrongs towards women. Women should have the courage to take a stand against the dowry system. Once the giving ends, the taking will also have to end. Marry a man who does not depend on his wife’s riches for living; marry the one who is interested in you and not on your family’s wealth.


Did you or your family face a dowry demand? How did you cope with it? Share with us.

‘Money Talk’ is Important Before Marriage

Most couples do not wish to talk about money matters before tying the knot; they do not see the importance of this dreaded talk. Research shows that money is the primary reason for broken marriages and also one of the most important reasons for quarrels between couples.

It is important to be clear on monetary issues before marriage, so that fights later on can be avoided. To start off, the couple should know about each other’s exact assets and debts before marriage. It is also important to know the income of each other (before and after tax deduction); both partners must know how much money is going to come in the household after marriage. Though it may seem difficult, it is important to talk on these lines. If the debts of your future partner are far more than what you can handle, you can gauge where this relationship will lead you, and can prepare for it or back out from the relationship.

In case one of the partners is a spendthrift while the other is a miserly saver, there might be issues in the marriage later on, if there are no open talks and discussions between the couple. It must be noted that while it is good to save, it also does not harm to indulge and spend for life’s little pleasures sometimes; this helps to keep the charm alive in a marriage.

For all money matters, like loans and investments, it is advisable to seek professional help. Both partners can visit a professional and get advice on investing and taking loans intelligently.

It is important to remember that post-marriage, there is no ‘my money and your money’, it is always ‘our money’. Even if you earn more than your spouse, the money that comes into the family every month should be distributed equally for payment of bills and other purposes.

Couples can come up with plans on how to manage money for the different expenditures in the house. They can demarcate a budget at the beginning of every month and try to stick to that.

Remember, managing money and expenses is a joint venture and couples should be able to talk on this without hesitation. The more the transparency, the better the relationship will be.


Do you discuss money often with your partner? Let us know your experience of the dreaded 'money talk'.

Make Your First Wedding Night Memorable

When the wedding date is fixed, brides and grooms start having a ticklish feeling about the wedding night. Several individuals have several whims and fancies, and everyone hopes to make that special night, a night to remember for a lifetime.

Dress for the night

It is important to dress up in a manner so as to entice your husband/wife on that special night. It will be fun if women can get dressed in sheer satin or lacy nightwear and men can be in well fitted boxers.

Talk a lot

With the wedding party just over, and all the talking with friends and family, you both did not get much time to catch up with each other. Now is the time to talk about how the wedding and the party went, how happy you are to be married at last, and how much you love your partner. There’s a lot of time to jump into bed; it’s better to talk and set the mood, rather than just hop into bed with your partner.

Room décor

Make sure that the bedroom has a good fragrance and is decorated with flowers, or floating candles. The bed sheet and the pillows can also have some fragrance. A sweet smelling room will stimulate your memories and emotions.

Music

Music is an essential element of romanticism. Play some music, which is the favourite of both your partner and you. Romantic numbers will make the special night appear even more romantic.

Games

Many couples will find it interesting to play some romantic games. Individuals can ask their partners to pick from chits, in which they have to sing for their partner, dance or say a poem for their partner. Many couples can also give each other a shoulder rub, foot massage, or a sensual full body massage. Work your brain and think about many other sensual games that will make the night memorable.

Gift

Give something romantic to your sweetheart. A love letter accompanied with the gift will be all the more better.

Celebrate love

There may be several pressures for the virgin who may be full of questions and doubts. There might also be stress on individuals who are not virgins to make the wedding night be of heightened experience. Do not think much and get rid of the stress. On your wedding night, just concentrate on your partner and celebrate love.

What is your idea of a perfect wedding night? Share your views with us

Mistakes That Newly Weds Must Avoid

Well, your wedding day is now over, and the party was so much fun and went just as you had planned. What now? Newlyweds now have a big path to travel ahead together.

Handy tips to go right all the way

• It is best to accept your life partner as he/she is. If you have not liked a trait or manner of your partner before marriage, do not expect he/she to change after marriage; learn to live with it. We all have our imperfections. Trying to change your partner forcibly will result in damaging your marriage or you will end up distancing yourself from your partner.
• The first fight often follows soon after the wedding. Try to remain as logical and calm as you can in a heated argument. Shouting and yelling never helps. If you feel the urge to be violent very strongly, consult a therapist.

• It is your responsibility to start off on the right foot with your in laws. Make the extra effort, even if the in-laws are not very friendly people. Remember when you are into a hostile relationship with your in-laws, it is your partner who is caught up in the middle and suffers the most. You definitely do not want the person you love to be hurt.
• Never be jealous on your partner’s friends from the opposite sex. Remember your partner has chosen you above all of them, so if you are not trusting him/her, you are ruining your relationship. Never compare your partner with any friend of yours who belongs to the same sex as that of your partner.
• Spend more time with your life partner. Friends are important, but you have to realize that late night parties and hanging out with friends at clubs till late hours is not the right thing to do for married people. You have someone waiting and worrying for you at home, so act mature. Care for your partner’s feelings.
• Do not rush into having a child. There has to be a proper planning before you make any such important decision.

Do you have some other tips to share from your experience? Share them here.

The 7 Vows of Indian Marriage – Their Significance

In Indian Hindu marriages, the groom and the bride has to take seven pledges in a ritual popularly known as ‘phera’. Each phera has certain significance; in fact, the pheras are lessons for the husband and wife to live in harmony as a couple through thick and thin for the days to come.

The first vow

The groom pledges to make his wife and children happy in all possible ways, and the bride pledges to shoulder all responsibilities for the good of her husband and his family.

The second vow

Here, the groom requests the bride to be his strength in providing security and protection to the family successfully. The bride agrees to this request on the condition that she is provided undivided attention, faithfulness and true love in return.

The third vow

The bride and the groom pledge to remain spiritually committed to each other. The bride also promises that she will remain chaste all her life.

 The fourth vow

The bride and the groom pledges to respect and care for the elders in the family. The bride promises to serve as well as please her husband in all manners possible. The groom on the other hand, thanks his wife for bring happiness and blessedness in his life.

The fifth vow

Here the couple does not take a vow but they pray to God for the good of all living beings in the world. They also pray for each other’s family’s welfare.

The sixth vow

At this stage, God is invoked to bless the bride and the groom for a long and happy life together. The groom expresses a wish that his wife will fill his life with joy and peace, and the bride assures him that she will do so.

The seventh vow

On the last vow, the couple prays for a lifelong relationship with understanding and loyalty.

In different religions and cultures, the vows may be different, but the essence of the vows remains commitment and true love for each other.

Now that you know what the vows mean, marriage will be more meaningful to you. If you understand what you are promising, marriage will be a very serious affair for you.

Do you believe in customizing wedding vows? Share your views.