Role of Bride’s Mama in Marwari Weddings

Marwaris are a caste that hails from Marwar region of Rajasthan. In Marwari weddings, the bride’s maternal uncle/mama has a very significant part to play. Marwari women, when they get married, are showered with lavish and expensive gifts from their father; later on, they usually do not claim any more of their father’s wealth, simply because it is assumed that her father’s wealth belonged to her brothers. 

The mama of the bride shows a lot of generosity in the wedding of his niece making the entire family proud. There is a particular Marwari wedding ritual, known as Bhaat, where the mama’s support is acknowledged. This ritual is performed at the respective homes of the bride/groom. 

In the ritual, the mama is personally invited to attend the wedding of his niece/nephew. He and his sister (bride’s mother) participate in a ceremony involving cooked rice and moong (a lentil). Following this, the bride’s mother feeds her brother a bit of sugar. The maternal uncle now gives his sister a traditional tie-dye dupatta, which the sister has to keep with her forever.

 

The Mama also gifts his niece/nephew and their life partner their wedding attire, jewellery and money. There is no steadfast rule on the amount of the ornaments and cash; the uncle gives as much as he can afford. 

Jain Wedding and the many Rituals

Jain weddings are never complete without its series of rituals. Like any other Indian wedding, Jain weddings are also replete with tradition, culture and lots of rituals.

Kanyapradan

A Jain wedding begins with this ritual. In this ritual, the bride’s parents puts some grains of rice and one rupee twenty five paise on her right hand before handing her over to the groom. The bride’s father announces the marriage of his daughter with the groom before the guests at the ceremony. In this ceremony, the priest when chanting the mantras, pours water on the hands of the couple three times.

Granthi Bandhan

This is the ritual where the wedding knot is made. One of the married women from among the guests ties the bride’s sari pallu to the groom’s shawl, as the couple prepares for the pheres.

 Phere

This is ideally the most important part of any Jain wedding ceremony. In Jain matrimony also, an auspicious time is chosen for the pheres. The bride and the groom take four rounds around the sacred fire. In the first round, the bride leads, while in the next three rounds, the groom has to lead.  At the end, the couple has to take seven vows. The exchange of the garlands are made.

Havan

This is the next ritual in line for the Jain wedding ceremony. After the chanting of mantras, offerings are made in the end.

Mangal Geet

The Mangal Geet is sung by the ladies when the pheres take place.

How to Know If He/She is Husband/Wife Material in Arranged Marriages

Have your parents and relatives helped you choose your life partner or have you taken the help of some online matrimony sites to choose a life partner? If you have found the ONE you were looking for or are still looking for him/her, it is important to find out if the person is marriage material or not. Remember that you are not looking for someone to date, but you are looking for a life partner in the form of a husband or a wife and that needs commitment for life. So, this is serious business and you should do some analysis and observations to know whether the person you have in your mind is eligible to become a good wife or husband.

What to observe?

If possible meet the person frequently and observe his/her small habits. Minute details about a person’s behavior can let out whether the individual is marriage material or not.

Find out if the person is dedicated in his/her works; if he/she is willing to do a lot to make small things work, in all probability, he/she might go to great extents to make the relationship work too.

This goes out especially to the ladies. If you find that your chosen man is forcing you to get physical when you do not want to go ahead with it before marriage, it is better to stay away from the person. Such a demanding nature will not let him understand and value your feelings later.

The woman or the man in question should be able to open up to you. If you feel that the individual is maintaining too much privacy and being too secretive about his/her life, he/she might be having skeletons in the closet. So, think twice here before proceeding. In case, he/she is opening about some dark secret from their past, remember that honesty counts. These people are least likely to cheat on you post marriage.

Know his/her views on religion. Religion is a very sensitive issue and the views must match yours. Otherwise, there will loads of conflicts in the personal life after marriage.

Make sure your would-be life partner treats his/her family well. If he/she is a family person, the individual will be great as a life partner.

Can you think of other things to observe? If yes, share with us. 
 

Background Check is Essential in Weddings

So you have chosen your soul mate after a long search at the online matrimonial sites or have found the man/woman of your dreams who was recommended to you by your relatives. Now what? You surely want to tie the knot and make the person your life partner. It will be wise not to rush into marriage, and stop to get a background check done. There must be some interval between the engagement and matrimony; you may utilize this time to find out more about your chosen partner.

Why is a background check necessary?

A background check is indeed necessary when you do not know much about the person’s past. This check is not done to demean anyone, but for the success of one’s marriage and one’s safety. You are aware that there are a lot of divorces happening, where the sexual orientation of one of the partner’s wasn’t straight and as a result the couple had to suffer post marriage ending in a divorce. Especially, in marriages where the partners contacted each other through classifieds or through matrimonial services, there is no way one can know about the other beforehand.

In order to get married at the soonest, people often lie about their financial status, jobs and past life. It is better to know the truth before the wedding than to get married and suffer.

You play the detective

Stalk a bit; stalking a person online in order to know whether he/she is perfect for you is fine. Check if the person has a Facebook profile. The pictures of the person will be able to give you a picture of the person’s lifestyle. Also check if you have any mutual friends listed with this person; these mutual friends might be able to give all the information you need on your future life partner.

Apart from Facebook, Orkut, Twitter and other social networking sites, you can also Google the person’s name and check the results for the types of sites they visit and the kind of comments they have posted to know more about them.

You can also create a fake profile in any of the social media sites that the person logs into frequently and send a friend request and then try to get a little flirty with him or her to see how he/she reacts. This might be able to tell you a lot about the character of the person.

Especially in arranged marriages, if you are unable to get a good background check done, it may lead to very disappointing results.

How do you plan to do a background check? Share with us. 

Beliefs/Superstitions Associated with Indian Weddings

Weddings all over the world come with some beliefs or rather superstitions; these superstitions often add to the fun element of the weddings. However, sometimes it may get bothersome for the bride/groom when people associate certain beliefs to the bride not being good or lucky enough for the bride.

The beliefs

• There is a belief regarding the color of mehendi as it appears on the bride’s hands. If the color appears deep, it is considered that the bride will be loved deeply by her husband as well as her in-laws. 
• Like the concept of throwing the bridal bouquet in Christian weddings, Hindu marriages also have the custom of letting the kaleerein (small red and golden ornaments) fall.  The kaleerein are tied on the chooda that the bride wears on her hands. The bride has to shake her hands over the heads of unmarried women and if the kaleerein drops on one of the women’s heads, then it is believed that the lady will be next in line to get married. 
• When the couple make rounds around the fire during the pheras, the onlookers throw flowers and rice at the couple. This is done in a bid to keep the newly-wed couple away from evil spirits. 

The beliefs keep changing with the many cultures and marriage traditions. Different castes and religions in India come up with their own wedding related superstitions and beliefs.

There are many other beliefs. How many do you know of?

Know Why the 'Kundali' is Matched

Almost all Indian Hindu marriages are dependent on the matching of the bride and groom’s kundali/horoscope. This is considered to be highly important, as according to Hindu wedding traditions the success of a marriage depends on the matching of the horoscope. In case of arranged marriages, the matching of kundali is essentially a compulsion, and in case of love marriages also this process holds its own quite often.

Is the matrimony compatible?

This is one of the questions that find its answer in the matching of both the partners’ horoscopes. The horoscope reveals the planet positions and their good/bad effects in a person’s life. It is believed that after marriage, the bride and the groom becomes ONE and the good luck or ill fate of one spouse influences the other; therefore, matching the horoscope to ensure that none of the spouse’s will be harmed post the matrimonial union is on a mandate.

Is the bride and groom mentally as well as physically compatible?

To know whether a happy marriage or an unhappy one follows after the union between the bride and groom, the horoscope is matched. The mentality, behavior and temper of the bride and groom are matched through their respective horoscopes. The kundali is also matched to know the level of physical attraction among the couple and also to know how their health will keep post-marriage.

Do the gunas match?

There are certain gunas or qualities that have to be matched among the bride and groom prior to the wedding. For testing the relationship quotient among the couple, a total of 36 gunas have to be matched. A minimum of 18 gunas have to be matched for the wedding to happen; in case more gunas match, the compatibility within the couple will be better.

Is the couple going to be financially stable?

Financial stability is required for a family’s wellbeing, so this is also paid attention to. Apart from financial conditions, job prospects, and promotions post-marriage, the horoscope is also used to find out whether the couple will be able to adjust with each other in their new life together.

Can you think of any other reasons the kundali is matched for? Share with us. 

Do Not Jump into an Arranged Marriage Right Away – Give it Some Time

Are you mentally preparing for an arranged marriage? Are your parents looking for a bride or groom for you or have you trusted the online matrimonial sites to find a suitable life partner? No matter what medium you choose to find your soul mate, remember that it is essential to give the new relationship some time and make it a point to know the person well before you settle down with him/her for a lifetime.

Communication is essential

If you are interested in the man or woman your parents have chosen for you, or you have met online, then it is mandatory to talk to the person as much as possible. After talking over the phone or chatting online, take things forward by meeting your prospective match in person. Choose a public place like a restaurant or may be go for a movie; however, it is important for both to agree on the place for meeting. It is essential to talk to each other and know of each other’s interests, only then can you find out how compatible you are with each other. Respect each other’s likes, preferences and dislikes. Later you can also arrange a meeting with your parents.

Give the relationship some time

Usually in arranged marriages, the bride and the groom has to go in for an engagement soon after the match is decided upon. However, it would be wise to maintain a time gap between the engagement and the wedding. Both the bride and the groom can take a good interval in understanding each other well, so that the marriage is not a hasty decision. Note that a man and woman will put on their best behavior in the initial one-two months, as both will wish to impress each other. It will be ideal to wait before the marriage and know the ‘real’ person before one can go in for a lifetime commitment.

If things go right, you will be surprised at how your arranged marriage will get transformed into love marriage.

Are You Ready to Get Married?

Marriage is a union you make with one person on a single day for life, so before you think of matrimony, it will be wise to ask yourself ‘Am I ready to get married?’.  First and foremost, it is essential to feel the lack of a soul mate. In case, you are single, you may take the help of online matrimonial sites to find an ideal partner whose preferences match yours.

Have you completed your education?

It is important to finish your education before you think of marriage. Remember that proper education can provide you with a good job and can give you financial security. Marriage comes with responsibilities towards your partner, so ensure you have done your best to give her a good future. In case of women, it will be better to complete your education and then get married, as all groom’s families will not be open to the idea of their daughter-in-law going to the college or university after marriage.

How financially secure are you?

This goes especially for the men. It is advisable to have a stable job before getting married. If you are having a stable income every month, you can relax and get married. Women who want to be financially independent should not think about marriage before finding a job and earning. It is better if you can save some amount in your bank account before you fix the date for your wedding. Nowadays, several brides and grooms prefer to pay for their own weddings; in this case, you will need to have some savings.

Are you ready to adjust and share?

You may have been the only child of your parents, but after marriage, you will have to adjust and share everything that is yours with your life partner. Note that the sharing part is not limited to material things, but you also have to be comfortable in sharing your views, secrets and dreams. Marriage brings in adjustment; so you must be willing to accept your life partner as your better half and forget about ‘me’ and only think about ‘us’.

Are you serious enough?

Marriage is not a cake walk; the honeymoon phase ends quickly and then there are several efforts required from both the husband and the wife in keeping their marriage intact. You need to be serious about each other and make a commitment to keep the bond strong and going forever.

Does your vision of future match hers/his?

In case you have found someone with whom you would like to spend a lifetime, find out if his/her vision of future matches yours. If the views do not match at all, there will be no gain in going ahead with the relationship.

 If you are confused in determining whether you are ready for marriage or not, you can also go for premarital counseling. This might act as the perfect guidance for you as well as your would-be life partner.

Learn to Look Beyond Looks

If you have decided to choose your life partner from many options, as in an arranged marriage, why not choose well? The foundation of a successful marriage depends on how well you make a choice. Whether it’s a first marriage or second wedding or mixed marriage, the key is to look beyond good looks and try to understand whether you will have a great future with that person and can shape your life well.

When you start looking for a life partner through an online matrimony site, through classifieds, or by reference from a friend, have an open mind and do not just focus on complexion, height, weight, good looks, etc. Remember that no human is perfect; you are not either, so why look for a perfect bride or groom? Rather find a human who will be your friend, spouse and partner for life.

Be natural and let others be natural

It is important for you not to behave in an artificial manner and also make the other person comfortable. Remember what you see in a lady/man in the first few meetings is what you may have to face all your life. So make the right decision and advance; if you do not like a behavior, you might let the person know that politely, but never expect a person to change his/her natural behavior.

Like or Unlike

When you talk to a prospective match for the first time, you will come to know whether you both share certain interests. If you like the person at the first meeting, consider it to be a green signal to be a go ahead. If you are seeking a life partner, the person should at least be suitable enough to be your friend at the first meeting.

See the future together

If you find that the prospective match does not see future like you do or do not have plans that coincide with yours. You can stop and take the red signal.

A Low Budget Wedding Can Benefit You

It may be your dream to have a lavish wedding, but if you can control this urge and spend reasonably in your big day to have a smaller wedding, you can end up saving a lot of money for your new life together. Apart from the ‘save money’ factor, there are many other reasons to have a small wedding.

Inviting less people

In a small wedding you do not invite a lot of people, but only people who are closer to you and whom you want to be a part of your happiness. This allows the newly wedded couple to attend the guests personally and talk to them.

You are relaxed

If you are inviting less people and people who you are comfortable with, you will be very much relaxed on your wedding day. To top it all, you will not feel the need to put on an artificial smile on your face. You will enjoy everyone’s presence and enjoy your own wedding better.

Save money for your dream honeymoon

In case you save money in organizing a big fat Indian wedding, you can save a lot to go to a foreign destination, exotic or European location for your honeymoon later. It I not the wedding day that matters, it the life that follows after that matters a lot.

Planning a destination wedding

Having a low budget wedding will also enable you to plan for a destination wedding, which is quite in vogue today. You can save the money and plan for a beach wedding or a wedding in some hill station with only close friends and relatives as your guests.

The Wedding Ring in Christian Marriages

The wedding ring symbolizes eternal love for Christians. The perfect circle of the wedding ring is deemed to be a circle of love and as a circle does not have any end, so this ring is thought to be the perfect epitome of immortal love, commitment and marital bond.

The make

For Christians, gold is usually the metal chosen for the making of the ring. The wedding ring is traditionally a simple plain band, but there are also rings with designs and engravings.

The finger

The wedding ring is normally worn on the ring finger or fourth finger of the left hand; the reason behind this is that the left finger is not as much used as the right hand for most people and the fourth finger is the second least used finger following the little finger, so wearing the ring on this finger would mean the soft metal (gold) will not face injury. The ring is not worn on the least used (little) finger, because then the ring would have very little surface area to be decorated.

Though there are superstitious beliefs saying that a vein of only the ring finger reaches the heart that is why the wedding ring is worn on that finger. The truth is that all fingers have veins that go right to the heart. It must also be noted that there are some exceptions where the wedding ring is worn on other fingers and not on the fourth finger.

The essence of a Christian wedding is never complete without a ring for many. More than 20 tonnes of gold (white and yellow) is used for the making of wedding rings every year in the United States alone.

8 Types of Hindu Marriages Recognized by Manusmriti

Manusmriti or the Laws of Manu is a discourse on how a Hindu should lead a life. Manu, a Hindu sage, passed down these social laws to Hindu rishis and saints. The laws were compiled and considered to be the words of Lord Brahma. Manusmriti originally had 1000 chapters, and later was presented only in 12 chapters.

According to Manusmriti, there are 8 different types of Hindu marriages based on the circumstances under which a marriage is taking place.

• Brahma Vivaha: Manusmriti identifies Brahma vivaha to be the ideal form of Hindu matrimony. In this wedding, the bride and the groom belong to good families and are from the same caste (varna). According to the customs of this wedding, the boy’s family has to approach the girl’s parents and ask for her hand in marriage. Kanyadaan or the handing over of the bride to the groom by her father is considered to be an important ritual in this form of marriage. The groom promises that he will never be deceitful to his wife in terms of piety, progeny and pleasure. 
• Daiva Vivaha: In this wedding, a father gives his daughter’s hand in marriage to a sacrificial priest, as part of his fee. This marriage takes place when the parents of the bride have looked for a suitable groom for a long time and have been unable to find a good match for her. 

• Arsa Vivaha: In this marriage, the father of the bride offers dowry to the groom’s family and the groom’s family also has to give a cow and a bull as gifts to the bride’s family. Instead of the animals, the token price for the bride (ie., the price of a cow and bull) is also accepted by the bride’s family. 
• Prajapatya Vivaha: According to Manusmriti, this is a form of marriage where the bride’s father does not have to give any dowry and neither does he demand any bride price from the groom’s family. 
• Gandharva Vivaha: This is what the modern world knows as love marriage. In this wedding, two people who are in love tie the matrimonial knot. For social acceptance, this kind of matrimony is often solemnized at religious ceremonies. 
• Asura Vivaha:  This is marriage by purchase; in this wedding, the father of the bride accepts the bride-price from the groom.
• Rakshasa Vivaha: This is the marriage that takes place between a man and a woman, where the woman was captured by the man in a war or otherwise and forced into the marriage. 
• Paishacha Vivaha: Here the bride is seduced by a man through his tricks into marriage. She was not in her senses during the marriage and therefore has not consented to the marriage. 

Nowadays these forms of marriages are unknown to many Hindus. However, these forms of marriages are still prevalent in different parts of India.

What are your thoughts on the 'Laws of Manu'? Share with us. 

How Arranged Marriages May Actually Benefit You

Do you want to get married and have not found your perfect match? Opt for arranged marriage; come on, it’s not a bad way to get married and contrary to what many people might think, an arranged marriage can be a mature decision to make.

The western world is not familiar to the concept of Indian arranged marriages. However, in India the situation is different; here, the parents can look for a suitable match for their sons and daughters, and it is not considered abnormal. Parents can look for suitable matches through classifieds in newspapers, or through online matrimony sites, or just through acquaintances. An eligible girl or boy who is interested in getting married has to meet a proposed match (one who his/her parents thought was a good match) and then express his/her like or dislike. The decisions are very practical and business like, and at the initial meeting there are hardly any emotions involved. This strategy is perfect for the 21st century business model.

You must first ask yourself if you have any problem in allowing your parents to help you find a perfect match. Our parents might do better than us in finding a perfect match; after all, their experiences in life cannot be ignored. Young people might get easily carried away by good looks and physical attraction, which may result in shallow love and lust and the relationship might be short-lived, while elders can look beyond the physical beauty.

Arranged marriages are not as simple as they appear. Two families get involved in it. Several important aspects are taken into consideration such as religion, caste, social stature, economic conditions, property and education. Any issue pertaining to the marriage is handled by both the families, so the boy and girl gets a great level of support from their respective parents.

Do you want to go for an arranged marriage? If yes, let us know why. 

Maintain a Good Relationship with Your In Laws Post Marriage

Often newly-weds do not get along well with their in laws and ends up messing their relationship with their partners too. There are ways to ‘not hate’ in laws and save a marriage from entering the crisis zone. 

Know your priorities 

It is essential for both partners to realize that their spouse is their priority and even if any problems arise or conflicts happen, the parents/relatives should not be called in between. If you are involving your parents in any marital conflict, it is likely to ruin your marriage as well as ruin your spouse’s relationship with your marriage. When in a marriage, you should not even encourage any of your parents/relatives talking about your husband/wife in a demeaning manner. 

Be connected to your in laws

You must show respect to your husband/wife’s parents as you would respect your own. If you speak ill of your in laws before your husband/wife, remember it will hurt the sentiments of your spouse and will make her/him have bitter thoughts about you. Keep in mind that your in laws may not be as pleasant as you expect them to be; they may be rude and difficult to handle, but you must show them respect at all times only because they are elder to you. 

If the situation gets too difficult to cope with

If you find that in spite of all your good behavior, your in laws are behaving rudely with you, abusing you verbally or physically assaulting you (this usually happens with the wife), speak to your husband immediately. You must let him know of the situation and let him know that you have done your best to control it and can no longer control it. Talk to each other and find out how you can tackle the situation. 

Plan a trip with your in laws and parents

After your honeymoon trip is over, you may plan a second trip with both in laws. This will help the family unite and get closer to each other. Amidst all the talks, laughs and food, you all will develop a deep bond which is highly needed in a family. 

Remember you need to work around your marriage to make it successful. Your in laws are also a part of your marriage and so learn to love and respect them; this goes out for women as well as men. 

The Wedding Games

Indian weddings are all the more fun with the plethora of games that the bride and the groom have to take part in. Indian wedding customs require the bride and groom to participate in several games which are impregnated with significance and symbolism.

Hiding the groom’s shoe

According to several Hindu marriage traditions, the hiding of the shoes is a very common wedding game. In this game, probably the sister of the bride with the help of her friends and cousins hides the shoes of the groom when he is busy during the wedding. Later, money is asked from the groom in exchange for his shoes. The challenge is to get access to the groom’s shoes as the siblings and friends of the groom guard his shoes when he is busy getting married.

Finding the ring

In another fun wedding game, the rings of both the bride and the groom is thrown in a pot/vessel containing milk and rose petals. The newly-weds task is to put their hands in the container and retrieve their own ring. Whoever does it first is said to rule the marriage.

Find your name

If the bride is wearing mehendi on her hands, in all probability she will also be having the groom’s name mentioned somewhere within the mehendi design. The challenge for the groom is to find his own name in her hands. This game is not as simple as it seems; often the mehendi artists do a brilliant job and it gets really difficult to find one’s own name. In case the groom cannot find his name at all, the bride is believed to rule the marriage.

Antakshari

The bride with her siblings, cousins and friends make a team while the groom makes a team with his friends and cousins. They play the antakshari game and if the bride’s team wins, the bride is said to rule the marriage, and vice versa.

Tell us about some of the wedding games that you find interesting.

The Brighter Side of Online Matrimony

Nowadays internet is being used for paying bills, watching movies, and even for getting married. However, there are still several questions and hesitations among people when it comes to making an important decision of their life online. Getting your perfect life partner on an online matrimony site may sound too good to be true, and then there are some associated fears that stop people from approaching matches online.

If you look at the brighter side of having a profile on a free matrimony website, you will have a lot to gain.

No need to meet a prospective match personally

Online matrimonial sites give you the option of getting in touch with suitable matches online without having to meet them in person at the first go. Once you are comfortable and think you know them well, you can fix a meeting to get to know the person better. If you do not like a person by chatting with him/her online, the question of meeting him/her personally does not arise. This way you can have a control over the person you wish to meet, unlike traditionally arranged marriages where you have to meet the person face to face to get connected.

Great way to reach out to more number of prospective matches

If you opt for free online matrimony services, you can reach more prospective matches and tell them about your partner preferences. You can also use the online matrimonial sites to let suitable matches find your profile. This way your options to find a worthy match increases to a great extent. The best part is all of this comes for free, unlike the traditional arranged marriage scenarios.

You can search for your match without letting the world know

If you do not want all your relatives and friends to know that you are looking for a bride/groom, the best option would be to register online with the best online matrimony site. This way you can advance your search for your soul mate and the world does not have to know about it.

What are your views on online matrimonial services? Share with us.