Role of Bride’s Mama in Marwari Weddings

Marwaris are a caste that hails from Marwar region of Rajasthan. In Marwari weddings, the bride’s maternal uncle/mama has a very significant part to play. Marwari women, when they get married, are showered with lavish and expensive gifts from their father; later on, they usually do not claim any more of their father’s wealth, simply because it is assumed that her father’s wealth belonged to her brothers. 

The mama of the bride shows a lot of generosity in the wedding of his niece making the entire family proud. There is a particular Marwari wedding ritual, known as Bhaat, where the mama’s support is acknowledged. This ritual is performed at the respective homes of the bride/groom. 

In the ritual, the mama is personally invited to attend the wedding of his niece/nephew. He and his sister (bride’s mother) participate in a ceremony involving cooked rice and moong (a lentil). Following this, the bride’s mother feeds her brother a bit of sugar. The maternal uncle now gives his sister a traditional tie-dye dupatta, which the sister has to keep with her forever.

 

The Mama also gifts his niece/nephew and their life partner their wedding attire, jewellery and money. There is no steadfast rule on the amount of the ornaments and cash; the uncle gives as much as he can afford. 

Jain Wedding and the many Rituals

Jain weddings are never complete without its series of rituals. Like any other Indian wedding, Jain weddings are also replete with tradition, culture and lots of rituals.

Kanyapradan

A Jain wedding begins with this ritual. In this ritual, the bride’s parents puts some grains of rice and one rupee twenty five paise on her right hand before handing her over to the groom. The bride’s father announces the marriage of his daughter with the groom before the guests at the ceremony. In this ceremony, the priest when chanting the mantras, pours water on the hands of the couple three times.

Granthi Bandhan

This is the ritual where the wedding knot is made. One of the married women from among the guests ties the bride’s sari pallu to the groom’s shawl, as the couple prepares for the pheres.

 Phere

This is ideally the most important part of any Jain wedding ceremony. In Jain matrimony also, an auspicious time is chosen for the pheres. The bride and the groom take four rounds around the sacred fire. In the first round, the bride leads, while in the next three rounds, the groom has to lead.  At the end, the couple has to take seven vows. The exchange of the garlands are made.

Havan

This is the next ritual in line for the Jain wedding ceremony. After the chanting of mantras, offerings are made in the end.

Mangal Geet

The Mangal Geet is sung by the ladies when the pheres take place.

How to Know If He/She is Husband/Wife Material in Arranged Marriages

Have your parents and relatives helped you choose your life partner or have you taken the help of some online matrimony sites to choose a life partner? If you have found the ONE you were looking for or are still looking for him/her, it is important to find out if the person is marriage material or not. Remember that you are not looking for someone to date, but you are looking for a life partner in the form of a husband or a wife and that needs commitment for life. So, this is serious business and you should do some analysis and observations to know whether the person you have in your mind is eligible to become a good wife or husband.

What to observe?

If possible meet the person frequently and observe his/her small habits. Minute details about a person’s behavior can let out whether the individual is marriage material or not.

Find out if the person is dedicated in his/her works; if he/she is willing to do a lot to make small things work, in all probability, he/she might go to great extents to make the relationship work too.

This goes out especially to the ladies. If you find that your chosen man is forcing you to get physical when you do not want to go ahead with it before marriage, it is better to stay away from the person. Such a demanding nature will not let him understand and value your feelings later.

The woman or the man in question should be able to open up to you. If you feel that the individual is maintaining too much privacy and being too secretive about his/her life, he/she might be having skeletons in the closet. So, think twice here before proceeding. In case, he/she is opening about some dark secret from their past, remember that honesty counts. These people are least likely to cheat on you post marriage.

Know his/her views on religion. Religion is a very sensitive issue and the views must match yours. Otherwise, there will loads of conflicts in the personal life after marriage.

Make sure your would-be life partner treats his/her family well. If he/she is a family person, the individual will be great as a life partner.

Can you think of other things to observe? If yes, share with us. 
 

Background Check is Essential in Weddings

So you have chosen your soul mate after a long search at the online matrimonial sites or have found the man/woman of your dreams who was recommended to you by your relatives. Now what? You surely want to tie the knot and make the person your life partner. It will be wise not to rush into marriage, and stop to get a background check done. There must be some interval between the engagement and matrimony; you may utilize this time to find out more about your chosen partner.

Why is a background check necessary?

A background check is indeed necessary when you do not know much about the person’s past. This check is not done to demean anyone, but for the success of one’s marriage and one’s safety. You are aware that there are a lot of divorces happening, where the sexual orientation of one of the partner’s wasn’t straight and as a result the couple had to suffer post marriage ending in a divorce. Especially, in marriages where the partners contacted each other through classifieds or through matrimonial services, there is no way one can know about the other beforehand.

In order to get married at the soonest, people often lie about their financial status, jobs and past life. It is better to know the truth before the wedding than to get married and suffer.

You play the detective

Stalk a bit; stalking a person online in order to know whether he/she is perfect for you is fine. Check if the person has a Facebook profile. The pictures of the person will be able to give you a picture of the person’s lifestyle. Also check if you have any mutual friends listed with this person; these mutual friends might be able to give all the information you need on your future life partner.

Apart from Facebook, Orkut, Twitter and other social networking sites, you can also Google the person’s name and check the results for the types of sites they visit and the kind of comments they have posted to know more about them.

You can also create a fake profile in any of the social media sites that the person logs into frequently and send a friend request and then try to get a little flirty with him or her to see how he/she reacts. This might be able to tell you a lot about the character of the person.

Especially in arranged marriages, if you are unable to get a good background check done, it may lead to very disappointing results.

How do you plan to do a background check? Share with us. 

Beliefs/Superstitions Associated with Indian Weddings

Weddings all over the world come with some beliefs or rather superstitions; these superstitions often add to the fun element of the weddings. However, sometimes it may get bothersome for the bride/groom when people associate certain beliefs to the bride not being good or lucky enough for the bride.

The beliefs

• There is a belief regarding the color of mehendi as it appears on the bride’s hands. If the color appears deep, it is considered that the bride will be loved deeply by her husband as well as her in-laws. 
• Like the concept of throwing the bridal bouquet in Christian weddings, Hindu marriages also have the custom of letting the kaleerein (small red and golden ornaments) fall.  The kaleerein are tied on the chooda that the bride wears on her hands. The bride has to shake her hands over the heads of unmarried women and if the kaleerein drops on one of the women’s heads, then it is believed that the lady will be next in line to get married. 
• When the couple make rounds around the fire during the pheras, the onlookers throw flowers and rice at the couple. This is done in a bid to keep the newly-wed couple away from evil spirits. 

The beliefs keep changing with the many cultures and marriage traditions. Different castes and religions in India come up with their own wedding related superstitions and beliefs.

There are many other beliefs. How many do you know of?

Know Why the 'Kundali' is Matched

Almost all Indian Hindu marriages are dependent on the matching of the bride and groom’s kundali/horoscope. This is considered to be highly important, as according to Hindu wedding traditions the success of a marriage depends on the matching of the horoscope. In case of arranged marriages, the matching of kundali is essentially a compulsion, and in case of love marriages also this process holds its own quite often.

Is the matrimony compatible?

This is one of the questions that find its answer in the matching of both the partners’ horoscopes. The horoscope reveals the planet positions and their good/bad effects in a person’s life. It is believed that after marriage, the bride and the groom becomes ONE and the good luck or ill fate of one spouse influences the other; therefore, matching the horoscope to ensure that none of the spouse’s will be harmed post the matrimonial union is on a mandate.

Is the bride and groom mentally as well as physically compatible?

To know whether a happy marriage or an unhappy one follows after the union between the bride and groom, the horoscope is matched. The mentality, behavior and temper of the bride and groom are matched through their respective horoscopes. The kundali is also matched to know the level of physical attraction among the couple and also to know how their health will keep post-marriage.

Do the gunas match?

There are certain gunas or qualities that have to be matched among the bride and groom prior to the wedding. For testing the relationship quotient among the couple, a total of 36 gunas have to be matched. A minimum of 18 gunas have to be matched for the wedding to happen; in case more gunas match, the compatibility within the couple will be better.

Is the couple going to be financially stable?

Financial stability is required for a family’s wellbeing, so this is also paid attention to. Apart from financial conditions, job prospects, and promotions post-marriage, the horoscope is also used to find out whether the couple will be able to adjust with each other in their new life together.

Can you think of any other reasons the kundali is matched for? Share with us. 

Getting Prepared for a Honeymoon

Honeymoon is a word that is attractive to all newly wedded couples. Deciding where to go and what to do seems very exciting to the new bride and groom. However, if you want nothing to go wrong in the first trip after marriage, and keep it enjoyable and memorable, you need to take care of certain factors.

Planning is essential

Do not compromise on the planning part. The better you plan, the better your trip is going to be. In case the man is making the arrangements, he should talk to his life partner and keep in mind her likes and dislikes. It is not a good thing to let the parents take part in the planning as it is yours and your life partner’s special trip, so let it be just the two of you in the picture.

Weather updates

 It is important to follow the weather forecasts and then take your pick. If it is a monsoon, then it is best to avoid hill stations and if it is summer, then you will do best to keep away from having a desert honeymoon. It is a good idea to research the internet for the type of weather at the place you have decided for the trip.

Make the reservations

It is better to book the train/bus/air tickets as early as possible. Also make reservations with a travel agency as well as make the reservations for the hotel or resort you are going to stay in. Check out the tour packages available and pick the best one that is affordable and a good option for both of you. You definitely do not want to run about making the reservations on your trip and lose out on quality together-time.

Set the budget

Fix the budget beforehand and try to adhere to it strictly. There are several expenses when you are starting a new life together, so do not make any extra expenditure on your trip. Be wise and spend wisely.

Medical supplies

If you or your partner needs some medicines, do not wait to get it in the honeymoon destination. It is better if you carry them with you; the medicines might not be available in the place you are going. It will be ideal if you can carry a first aid medical kit.

Travel documents

Make sure you are carrying your passport, ID proof and even your marriage certificate. You may never predict when you might need which document, so it is always better to be on the safe side.

Camera

Do not forget to take your camera on your honeymoon. You will surely want to capture some great moments of you two to look back and smile in the future.

Necessities

Think about what you need. If you are planning a camping, it is essential to carry a tent. In case you are going for a safari or planning a honeymoon to the jungles or forests, a mosquito repellant lotion is a must. You would not want to be down with malaria or dengue on your honeymoon.

A Low Budget Wedding Can Benefit You

It may be your dream to have a lavish wedding, but if you can control this urge and spend reasonably in your big day to have a smaller wedding, you can end up saving a lot of money for your new life together. Apart from the ‘save money’ factor, there are many other reasons to have a small wedding.

Inviting less people

In a small wedding you do not invite a lot of people, but only people who are closer to you and whom you want to be a part of your happiness. This allows the newly wedded couple to attend the guests personally and talk to them.

You are relaxed

If you are inviting less people and people who you are comfortable with, you will be very much relaxed on your wedding day. To top it all, you will not feel the need to put on an artificial smile on your face. You will enjoy everyone’s presence and enjoy your own wedding better.

Save money for your dream honeymoon

In case you save money in organizing a big fat Indian wedding, you can save a lot to go to a foreign destination, exotic or European location for your honeymoon later. It I not the wedding day that matters, it the life that follows after that matters a lot.

Planning a destination wedding

Having a low budget wedding will also enable you to plan for a destination wedding, which is quite in vogue today. You can save the money and plan for a beach wedding or a wedding in some hill station with only close friends and relatives as your guests.

Pre-wedding Photo Sessions are in Trend

More and more Indians are now open to the idea of having a pre-wedding photo shoot done. This is viewed as one brilliant way to capture the love moments before tying the knot and uniting for life. Not only people who are having a love marriage, even people settling for an arranged marriage are hiring photographers for a pre-wedding photo session.

In the case of arranged weddings, the bride and the groom usually opt for a photo shoot after their engagement and before their wedding. Nowadays, couples are viewing the pre-wedding photography to be as important as their wedding photography.

Hiring a photographer

The major step in getting a pre-wedding photo shoot done is to hire the right photographer. Now there are many photographers that one can hire, but it is best to choose the one with whom a couple can share a good rapport and be friendly. Unlike wedding photography, pre-wedding photography will be more relaxed, more fun and there will be more freedom as far as the poses and clothes are concerned, so the photographer also should be fun to deal with.

Opt for a photographer who has years of experience and the one you can afford. Do not go for a photographer who charges too much or too less. It is better to discuss how many photographs will be taken, in which format you will be getting it, whether you want an album, etc. before the photo session is agreed upon by both parties.

Deciding the location

It is up to you for choosing a picturesque location for getting your photos taken. At times couples may ask the photographer they hired for suggesting a good location that is not very crowded, is an illuminated area and an ideal choice for photography. You may choose a resort, a garden or a park, some area of historical significance, your home, or any other location.

Ideas

If you are confused and do not have any unique ideas for posing, you may count on your photographer. Photographers have a great eye for the right background, mix of colors, lighting, and other details. They can capture a couple in the best of poses; if you have no experience in posing, blindly follow what your photographer asks you to do, and the outcome will be great pictures.

Photographers can also suggest you props like masks, umbrellas, books, balloons, flowers, etc. to make your photos stand out.

If you can hire a good photographer, half the job is done. You just need to make the most of the time available and capture some great moments of togetherness before wedding. You may use these pictures for creating a customized wedding card or can also splash the photos all over the wedding hall as part of the wedding décor.

Significance of Gotra in Hindu Marriages

Gotra/Gothra/Gotram is a concept that helps identify the families of a particular Hindu caste. This patrilineal classification is the base on which Hindu weddings usually occur. Brides and grooms belonging to a similar gotra are considered to be distantly related/brothers and sisters, and are forbidden from marrying each other.

The Gotra system originated among the Hindu Brahmins and is considered to be descents from Saptarishi or the seven sages, who were Angirasa, Atri, Gautam, Kashyapa, Bhrigu, Vasistha, and Bharadwaja.

Marriage between cousins can lead to deformed children; gotram can be a safe option

There is scientific evidence that marriage between blood relatives have chances of giving birth to abnormal offspring owing to hybrid DNA combinations and genetic mismatch. For maintaining the genetic distance in marriages, gotra is considered to be a safe bet. That is one of the major reasons why gotram has become such an important part of Hindu marriage traditions.

According to Hindu customs and vedic rituals, a marriage that takes place between a bride and a groom belonging to the same gotra is considered to be an impure union. It is believed that such a matrimony will bring upon doom on the family and clan; whereas, it is believed that marriage of people belonging to different gotras will bring happiness, progeny and prosperity to the family.

In a Hindu wedding, a bride belongs to her father’s gotra till the marriage is successful; post marriage she will belong to her husband’s gotra.

However, according to the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, marriage between members of the same gotra has been legalized. ‘A marriage solemnized between Hindus before the commencement of this Act, which is otherwise valid, shall not be deemed to be invalid or ever to have been invalid by reason only of the fact that the parties thereto belonged to the same gotra or pravara or belonged to different religions, castes or sub- divisions of the same caste.’

8 Types of Hindu Marriages Recognized by Manusmriti

Manusmriti or the Laws of Manu is a discourse on how a Hindu should lead a life. Manu, a Hindu sage, passed down these social laws to Hindu rishis and saints. The laws were compiled and considered to be the words of Lord Brahma. Manusmriti originally had 1000 chapters, and later was presented only in 12 chapters.

According to Manusmriti, there are 8 different types of Hindu marriages based on the circumstances under which a marriage is taking place.

• Brahma Vivaha: Manusmriti identifies Brahma vivaha to be the ideal form of Hindu matrimony. In this wedding, the bride and the groom belong to good families and are from the same caste (varna). According to the customs of this wedding, the boy’s family has to approach the girl’s parents and ask for her hand in marriage. Kanyadaan or the handing over of the bride to the groom by her father is considered to be an important ritual in this form of marriage. The groom promises that he will never be deceitful to his wife in terms of piety, progeny and pleasure. 
• Daiva Vivaha: In this wedding, a father gives his daughter’s hand in marriage to a sacrificial priest, as part of his fee. This marriage takes place when the parents of the bride have looked for a suitable groom for a long time and have been unable to find a good match for her. 

• Arsa Vivaha: In this marriage, the father of the bride offers dowry to the groom’s family and the groom’s family also has to give a cow and a bull as gifts to the bride’s family. Instead of the animals, the token price for the bride (ie., the price of a cow and bull) is also accepted by the bride’s family. 
• Prajapatya Vivaha: According to Manusmriti, this is a form of marriage where the bride’s father does not have to give any dowry and neither does he demand any bride price from the groom’s family. 
• Gandharva Vivaha: This is what the modern world knows as love marriage. In this wedding, two people who are in love tie the matrimonial knot. For social acceptance, this kind of matrimony is often solemnized at religious ceremonies. 
• Asura Vivaha:  This is marriage by purchase; in this wedding, the father of the bride accepts the bride-price from the groom.
• Rakshasa Vivaha: This is the marriage that takes place between a man and a woman, where the woman was captured by the man in a war or otherwise and forced into the marriage. 
• Paishacha Vivaha: Here the bride is seduced by a man through his tricks into marriage. She was not in her senses during the marriage and therefore has not consented to the marriage. 

Nowadays these forms of marriages are unknown to many Hindus. However, these forms of marriages are still prevalent in different parts of India.

What are your thoughts on the 'Laws of Manu'? Share with us. 

Maintain a Good Relationship with Your In Laws Post Marriage

Often newly-weds do not get along well with their in laws and ends up messing their relationship with their partners too. There are ways to ‘not hate’ in laws and save a marriage from entering the crisis zone. 

Know your priorities 

It is essential for both partners to realize that their spouse is their priority and even if any problems arise or conflicts happen, the parents/relatives should not be called in between. If you are involving your parents in any marital conflict, it is likely to ruin your marriage as well as ruin your spouse’s relationship with your marriage. When in a marriage, you should not even encourage any of your parents/relatives talking about your husband/wife in a demeaning manner. 

Be connected to your in laws

You must show respect to your husband/wife’s parents as you would respect your own. If you speak ill of your in laws before your husband/wife, remember it will hurt the sentiments of your spouse and will make her/him have bitter thoughts about you. Keep in mind that your in laws may not be as pleasant as you expect them to be; they may be rude and difficult to handle, but you must show them respect at all times only because they are elder to you. 

If the situation gets too difficult to cope with

If you find that in spite of all your good behavior, your in laws are behaving rudely with you, abusing you verbally or physically assaulting you (this usually happens with the wife), speak to your husband immediately. You must let him know of the situation and let him know that you have done your best to control it and can no longer control it. Talk to each other and find out how you can tackle the situation. 

Plan a trip with your in laws and parents

After your honeymoon trip is over, you may plan a second trip with both in laws. This will help the family unite and get closer to each other. Amidst all the talks, laughs and food, you all will develop a deep bond which is highly needed in a family. 

Remember you need to work around your marriage to make it successful. Your in laws are also a part of your marriage and so learn to love and respect them; this goes out for women as well as men. 

On Your First Date Make the Right Impression

OK, so you have met a girl/guy on Facebook or over an online matrimony site or simply met someone at a friend’s place. Now do you want to get to know him/her a little more? Are you thinking about a date? It is necessary to get to know a person better if you really like him/her and want to think on the lines of marriage.

Choosing the right site
If you have set the day for the date and also managed to convince your date, you must think about the place you want to take him/her. Do not go for movies, as you will hardly be able to talk there. The idea is to talk and listen to each other as much as possible on your first date. It will be best to go to a restaurant and have lunch or dinner together.

Do not overdo it
Make sure you haven’t chosen a very expensive restaurant as that might have a negative impact on your special someone. Do not wear too flashy and expensive clothes, as that will make you appear as a ‘showoff’ and at the same time remember not to wear very casual clothes as that also will make your date feel you gave no importance to the occasion.

Personal hygiene counts
It is important to ensure that you have put on some good deodorant in case you have a body odour problem. Also take extra care to brush well and use a mouth freshener. There’s something that guys need to know, women are really turned off with poor hygiene and bad breath. Ladies cut your nails and shape them. When you are chewing food, chew slowly with your mouth closed; you never know how closely the person opposite you is watching you.

A gift is a special way to say you care
Choose to gift your man or lady love a box of chocolates. Men can gift a white or yellow rose or even a single pink rose to the women, but ensure that it’s not a red rose as it may be a little over the top if you are gifting a red rose, as it signifies passionate love.

Talk a lot and listen even more
It is important to be comfortable and talk freely, and it’s all the more important to listen to the other. Never talk about your past relationships and how they turned out to be disasters for you on your first date, this will not prove to be positive for you. It is not necessary to open up with your secrets on your first date itself, but you can definitely talk about your interests, family, friends, pets and even food. Try to keep the problems in your life away from the conversation. When he/she is on the verge of becoming your life partner, you may share your secrets then.

Who pays?
Normally men should offer to pay for the food, but women must also make an offer to pay. In case the guy does not agree, the lady must choose to pay half the bill. If the guy doesn’t agree again, she must politely let him pay.

Be natural
Above all, do not behave in an artificial manner; try to be as natural as possible. Make eye contact with your date, as it tells the other that you are interested. If you have a good sense of humour, do not hesitate to flaunt that quality; it might make your date smile and laugh and this may be the start to your love story.

All’s well that ends well
This is for the men. Try your best to drop the lady home. That is a nice gesture and will prove to the lady that you care and are a gentleman. If the lady wants, the man may give her a sweet little kiss on the cheek to conclude the date; however, if there is no such gesture from the lady to get cosy, make do with waving a bye to her as you drop her at her doorstep.

Do you have anything to share on impressing a woman/man on the first date?

The Brighter Side of Online Matrimony

Nowadays internet is being used for paying bills, watching movies, and even for getting married. However, there are still several questions and hesitations among people when it comes to making an important decision of their life online. Getting your perfect life partner on an online matrimony site may sound too good to be true, and then there are some associated fears that stop people from approaching matches online.

If you look at the brighter side of having a profile on a free matrimony website, you will have a lot to gain.

No need to meet a prospective match personally

Online matrimonial sites give you the option of getting in touch with suitable matches online without having to meet them in person at the first go. Once you are comfortable and think you know them well, you can fix a meeting to get to know the person better. If you do not like a person by chatting with him/her online, the question of meeting him/her personally does not arise. This way you can have a control over the person you wish to meet, unlike traditionally arranged marriages where you have to meet the person face to face to get connected.

Great way to reach out to more number of prospective matches

If you opt for free online matrimony services, you can reach more prospective matches and tell them about your partner preferences. You can also use the online matrimonial sites to let suitable matches find your profile. This way your options to find a worthy match increases to a great extent. The best part is all of this comes for free, unlike the traditional arranged marriage scenarios.

You can search for your match without letting the world know

If you do not want all your relatives and friends to know that you are looking for a bride/groom, the best option would be to register online with the best online matrimony site. This way you can advance your search for your soul mate and the world does not have to know about it.

What are your views on online matrimonial services? Share with us.